Introduction e-course: I am and I can

Introduction: Who Am I?

Ask yourself Who Am I?

Who Am I?: Why is it so hard to answer this question

Many people can't answer this question directly. Why is this so? 

Because we tend to see 'I am' in a self-concept. A self-made book about what we do and how we behave toward others. Like what we do for a profession, what kind of relationships we have. The idea of having specific identities for ourselves and others allows us to assign specific sets of knowledge to them. This labelling is an advantage to organize our environment, but it also limits our perception towards ourselves and others. In other words, it prevents us to see our talents, dreams and passions. It prevents us to see the other and to see I. The parts that describe 'Who Am I'.


Who AM I? you asked yourself before.

Did you find it tough to answer? You are here for a reason. 

There are (hidden) thoughts like: 'I feel insecure. I feel depressed and lonely. I can't stop working. I can't set boundaries, I don't trust myself in doing things. I can't be intimate with someone. I jump from the other into other relationship. I see myself as a failure. I need a change. I feel trapped. I have emotions but I don't know where they come from.

There are efforts taken:  the new therapy, new courses, exercises, juicing, new diet, and new this and that. We start from a crisis, relationship crisis, job crisis or midlife crisis. We are all seeking for a purpose a sense of belonging. We are seeking for our authentic, or unique self. 

And that's why the answer is so hard. Because authenticity is exactly what we search and this 'state of being' creates passion and freedom in your life to think, feel and answer this question. We notice that this finding of unique me, takes a serious illness on us,  as we do so much effort but still we feel that all our effort is pushing against a big wall that prevents us to be unique. In this course, we hope that you find some parts of the self that will lead back to empowering skills you already have inside and will happen effortlessly. If you can feel I am and I can you will cope with your obstacles in life. When you overcome big challenges in life you are able to help others and serve the world and at the same time be unique!


Well, as this is has been said. Let's continue. Click to the next.

Self-care : an introduction

Why is self-care so important?

Self-care is a broad term that encompasses just about anything you to do be good to your personal and unique needs. In a nutshell, it’s about being as kind to yourself as you would be to others. It’s partly about knowing when your resources are running low, and stepping back to replenish them rather than letting them all drain away. It's also to know your values (e.g. I like to go to nature, be with friends)  and to know when one has been left out for a while (e.g. I need me-time) and needs nurturing. 

However, it’s important to note that not everything that feels good is self-care. And not everything we use as a strategy is healthy for ourselves. For threatening situations its clear we have to take a flight, fight or freeze decision in our action. But what about the situations that are doubtful,  how can we take care of me if we don't know its unhealthy? If we are in an unsafe position (not aware) we feel anxious but we don't know where these feelings come from. That why we are gonna explore which kind of strategies you use in a difficult situation to cope with a stressful (social) event. To see where the anxious feelings come from and how we can respond to it with self-care instead of reacting.

Alternatively, maybe you aren’t convinced that you should not practice regular self-care. Maybe you think your resources are better saved for working and for looking after others. That they need it more then you do. Then the more this will be a suitable program for you. As it turns out, there are many different self-care practices, and not all of them suit everyone. This course will take you through the some of it and reasons why you need at least some sort of self-care in your routine, and will help you understand the specific changes you need to make.



The basic needs of human

What I am is what I need: 

Every human needs sleep, water food and sex to live. But also emotional, like intimacy and, play, humour and a higher purpose in life through God or spirituality.

But what we often forget is our need to tell our unique story. Our wish to communicate, to be heard to speak out loud. The difference between other needs is that this need is unique. You express your own needs through your unique body language; posture, voice, intonation and so on. Also how you talk to others and how you talk to yourself (self-talk) is important in belonging and creating your dreams.

So what are your needs?

Click next to continue.

Self-care is universal and protects personal needs

Self-care is universal!

We all need sleep, food, shelter physical exercise. Humour and laughing, higher sense of purpose in life and above all our own unique story:

This unique story makes us unique! It is the way we talk and behave to get our needs taken care of.

Self-care is knowing I AM

I AM are personal needs and values. For example, if you know that you are a quiet person and like to hang out by your self you take self-care not to go often too busy places with a lot of people. 


Answer the question: Who Am I?

Who AM I?

Skills to learn how to respond to question: Who Am I?

Most people will react to this question with an action that is taken for others, so this action they define it as a personal part of identity. But is this answer really based on what we are? For example, if 'I am a clean person' that is because I have a clean house. However, I clean the house when people come over but when I am alone I let the mess be. So am I a clean person?

So did your answer looks like this type of answer? 

I will demonstrate this type of answer with an example of 'I am caring'

Most types of answers conclude this structure:

  1. I am caring (I-am)
  2. because I take care (action) of my family (others) and that's why I am a caring person (personal identity)

What we are gonna learn in this course is to speak through unique selves: I am statement. To build answers that have a unique part in the answer.

  1. I am caring ( I am
  2. because I find feeling connected to others important value in my life (unique story). That's why I take care of others and help them (I can)


Click next.


Am I fully aware of my personal needs?

Instruction: We are gonna do an experiment to see if you are completely aware of your environment.

 Imagine you will watch a short video (next click) in which six people-three in white shirts and three in black shirts-pass basketballs around. While you watch, you must keep a silent count of the number of passes made by the people in white shirts.


Ok. Let's continue to the video.

The awareness-experiment

Click on the link below

Did you see the gorilla?

  • Yes
  • No
  • I dont know

What we miss out trough being unaware

Almost everyone has the intuition that the answer is "yes, of course, I would." How could something so obvious go completely unnoticed? But this experiment at Harvard University several years ago, and the researches found that half of the people who watched the video and counted the passes missed the gorilla. It was as though the gorilla was invisible. 

To the researchers' surprise, it has become one of the best-known experiments in psychology. It is described in most introductory textbooks and is featured in more than a dozen science museums. It has been used by everyone from preachers and teachers to corporate trainers and terrorist hunters, not to mention characters on the TV show C.S.I., to help explain what we see and what we don't see. 

This experiment reveals two things: that we are missing a lot of what goes on around us, and that we have no idea that we are missing so much. And it got us thinking that many other intuitive beliefs that we have about our own minds might be just as undiscovered. And think of all the passions, dreams and talents we miss on!

Click on to the next.

Awareness is like a Ice-berg

Empowerment course: I am and I can

Main subjects of the course:

1. Self-care: skills and tools in difficult situations

I know what I need to feel safe. I can stand up for myself! I can speak! Handles and exercises for releasing stress/tension. Strengthening skills to communicate: setting boundaries, taking initiative and leading, practising in tune and following, building in cooperation and intimacy. 

2. Finding my own unique story: am and I can

I can connect with myself and others. I can listen to myself! I am okay! Increase self-confidence: I am ok! I can be there, also with my difficulties, with my lifetime failures and with sadness about these. Exercises are offered in which the talents and positive possibilities of difficulties are examined. And who are the role models or special people who contributed to this.

3. Online counselling 

 Finally, you will get an online consultation about the course results .


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Experiences of people

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So who are you?

“ The Tree of Life ”

has the same meaning in all parts of the world. It stands for food, shelter, strength, safety and healing. And the connection with roots, the present moment ‘now’, own strength, expectations skills and role models.

Describe yourself

How old are you?

Where do you live?

What is your profession?

What do you like to learn from the course?

Empowering skills at the end of this program

Empowerment skills

Strenght

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Connection

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Awareness

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Self- talk


Storytelling: Me Myself and I 

Challenge of the day: My Self-care Wheel

What are my needs and values?

Instruction: Use this subject self-care wheel to describe your needs and values.
For example home environment: I need a clean house or for social life: I need support from others

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Day 2: How do I respond to stress?

Stress and the body: an introduction

Four zones of coping in threading situation

Coping strategies in social, difficult situations

How do I react in social, difficult situations: am I a lion, teddy-bear, ostrich or owl?

Most people learn how to behave in the right way - that is, they follow rules, expectations, routines and established social norms - by looking at the people around them and adjusting their behaviour based on the feedback they receive from others. It is a process that occurs naturally in the development stages. Of course, we are guided by rules, consequences and social cueing, but sometimes these limits are not sufficient for the development of social skills. It can be that we are able to achieve things at the workplace but don't know how to respond in social situations. Or the other way around. To know what your coping skills are we gonna do some roleplaying in social situations. Remember there is no good or false answer. The roleplaying is just to gain insight into how you react or respond in difficult social situations.


Teddy-bear

The fixer:

  • Avoiding problems to protect a relationship 
  • Fear for the hurt in relationship or conflict workplace

Lion

The fighter:

  • Giving way is a sign of weakness 
  • Must be in control and to win 
  • Relationships are useful for self 
  • Want to have the highest position at the workplace


The Ostrich

The compromiser:

  • No fighter no fixer, winning a little and losing a little 
  • They see conflict or problem don’t act or sacrifice 
  • Ignore the problem and go for the short-term solution

The Owl 

Has empowering awareness. He is aware (attention) on his talents, passions and dreams but also knows what is difficult and challenging and needs nurturing. The Owl can act with strength of the lion but respond in the sake of the relationship. The Owl connects like a teddy bear but doesn't step behind his boundaries and knows his or her responsibilities.

How do I respond when I have an conflict with a friend?

  • Put your answer option here
  • Put your answer option here

How do I respond when I have an conflict with family?

  • Put your answer option here
  • Put your answer option here

How do I respond when I am at the workplace?

  • Put your answer option here
  • Put your answer option here

How do I respond when I am at the workplace?

Challenge of the day: imagine a stressful event or situation

To learn is to feel


Describe your stressful event or situation

Where do you feel it in your body?

Describe

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What is the worst thing can happen?

What can you do?

React not respond: release the emotions and feelings

The owl is self-care

Strenght, connection and awareness



Self-care as a coping mechanism  

We can all be tempted to use unhealthy coping mechanisms like drugs, alcohol, over-eating, and risk-taking. These self-destructive activities help us to regulate challenging emotions, but the relief is temporary.  The difference between unhealthy coping mechanisms and self-care activities is that the latter is uncontroversially good for you. When practised correctly, self-care has long-term benefit for the mind, the body, or both. To protect yourself, from the inside and from the outside. To be safe and in a comfortable position so we can take action on our pursuing your dreams and goals