Empowerment course: I am and I can

the purpose of the course:
to achieve empowerment – awareness:  I am aware of my talents, dreams and passions, but also I know what I find challenging in life and I know how to ask help and how to use healthy coping strategies.

Introduction: Who Am I?

Ask yourself Who Am I?

Who Am I?: Why is it so hard to answer this question

Many people can't answer this question directly. Why is this so? 

Because we tend to see 'I am' in a self-concept. A self-made book about what we do and how we behave toward others. Like what we do for a profession, what kind of relationships we have. The idea of having specific identities and others allows us to assign specific sets of knowledge to them. This labelling is an advantage to organize our environment, but it also limits our perception towards ourselves and others. In other words, it prevents us to see our talents, dreams and passions. It prevents us to see the other and to see I. The parts that describe 'Who Am I'.


Who AM I? you asked yourself before.

Did you find it tough to answer? You are here for a reason. 

There are (hidden) thoughts like: 'I feel insecure. I feel depressed and lonely. I can't stop working. I can't set boundaries, I don't trust myself in doing things. I can't be intimate with someone. I jump from the other into other relationship. I see myself as a failure. I need a change. I feel trapped. I have emotions but I don't know where they come from.

There are efforts taken:  the new therapy, new courses, exercises, juicing, new diet, and new this and that. We start from a crisis, relationship crisis, job crisis or midlife crisis. We are all seeking for a purpose a sense of belonging. We are seeking for our authentic, or unique self. 

And that's why the answer is so hard. Because authenticity is exactly what we search and this 'state of being' creates passion and freedom in your life to think, feel and answer this question. We notice that this finding of unique me, takes a serious illness on us,  as we do so much effort but still we feel that all our effort is pushing against a big wall that prevents us to be unique. In this course, we hope that you find some parts of the self that will lead back to the empowering skills you already have inside and will happen effortlessly. If you can feel 'I am' and 'I can' you will cope with your obstacles in life. When you overcome big challenges in life you are able to help others and serve the world and at the same time be unique!


Well, as this is has been said. Let's continue. Click to the next.

Answer the question: Who Am I?

Who AM I?

Skills to learn how to respond to question: Who Am I?

Most people will react to this question with an action that is taken for others, so this action they define it as a personal part of identity. But is this answer really based on what we are? For example, if 'I am a clean person' that is because I have a clean house. However, I clean the house when people come over but when I am alone I let the mess be. So am I a clean person?

So did your answer looks like this type of answer? 

I will demonstrate this type of answer with an example of 'I am caring'

Most types of answers conclude this structure:

  1. I am caring (I-am)
  2. because I take care (action) of my family (others) and that's why I am a caring person (personal identity)

What we are gonna learn in this course is to speak through unique selves: I am statement. To build answers that have a unique part in the answer.

  1. I am caring ( I am
  2. because I find feeling connected to others important value in my life (unique story). That's why I take care of others and help them (I can)


Click next.


Self-care : an introduction

Why is self-care so important?

Self-care is so important because it cleans the way to 'I am' and 'I can'. Because we get so much information in our brain system we the more are likely to forget or not to see our unique self.  Maybe in clear situations we know we are healthy or unhealthy. But what about the situations that are doubtful,  how can we take care of me if we don't know it's not right for us? If we are in an unsafe position (not aware) we feel anxious but we don't know where these feelings come from. That why we are gonna explore which kind of strategies you use in a difficult situation to cope with a stressful (social) event. To see where the anxious feelings come from and how we can respond to it with self-care instead of reacting.

Alternatively, maybe you aren’t convinced that you should not practice regular self-care. Maybe you think your resources are better saved for working and for looking after others. That they need it more then you do. Then the more this will be a suitable program for you. As it turns out, there are many different self-care practices, and not all of them suit everyone. This course will take you through the some of it and reasons why you need at least some sort of self-care in your routine, and will help you understand the specific changes you need to make.



The basic needs of human

What I am is what I need: 

Every human needs sleep, water food and sex to live. But also emotional, like intimacy and, play, humour and a higher purpose in life through God or spirituality.

But what we often forget is our need to tell our unique story. Our wish to communicate, to be heard to speak out loud. The difference between other needs is that this need is unique. You express your own needs through your unique body language; posture, voice, intonation and so on. Also how you talk to others and how you talk to yourself (self-talk) is important in belonging and creating your dreams.

So what are your needs?

Click next to continue.

Self-care is universal and protects personal needs

Self-care is universal!

We all need sleep, food, shelter physical exercise. Humour and laughing, higher sense of purpose in life and above all our own unique story:

This unique story makes us unique! It is the way we talk and behave to get our needs taken care of

Self-care listen to I AM

I AM are personal needs and values. For example, if you know that you are a quiet person and like to hang out by your self you take self-care not to go often too busy places with a lot of people

Am I fully aware of my personal needs?

Instruction: We are gonna do a little experiment to see if you are completely aware of your environment.

Imagine you will watch a short video (next page) in which six people-three in white shirts and three in black shirts-pass basketballs around. While you watch, you must keep a silent count of the number of passes made by the people in white shirts.


Ok. Let's continue to the video.

The Awareness-Experiment

Click on the link below

Did you see the gorilla?

  • Yes
  • No
  • I dont know

What we miss out trough being unaware

Almost everyone has the intuition that the answer is "yes, of course, I would." How could something so obvious go completely unnoticed? But this experiment at Harvard University several years ago, and the researches found that half of the people who watched the video and counted the passes missed the gorilla. It was as though the gorilla was invisible. 

To the researchers' surprise, it has become one of the best-known experiments in psychology. It is described in most introductory textbooks and is featured in more than a dozen science museums. It has been used by everyone from preachers and teachers to corporate trainers and terrorist hunters, not to mention characters on the TV show C.S.I., to help explain what we see and what we don't see. 

This experiment reveals two things: that we are missing a lot of what goes on around us, and that we have no idea that we are missing so much. And it got us thinking that many other intuitive beliefs that we have about our own minds might be just as undiscovered. And think of all the passions, dreams and talents we miss on!

Click on to the next.

Awareness is like a Ice-berg

Empowerment course: I am and I can

Main objectives of the course:

1. Self-care: skills and tools in difficult situations

I know what I need to feel safe. I can stand up for myself! I can speak! Handles and exercises for releasing stress/tension. Strengthening skills to communicate: setting boundaries, taking initiative and leading, practising in tune and following, building in cooperation and intimacy. 

2. Finding my own unique story: am and I can

I can connect with myself and others. I can listen to myself! I am okay! Increase self-confidence: I am ok! I can be there, also with my difficulties, with my lifetime failures and with sadness about these. Exercises are offered in which the talents and positive possibilities of difficulties are examined. And who are the role models or special people who contributed to this.

3. Online counselling 

 Finally, you will get an online consultation to talk about the course results.


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Experiences of people

lotje


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So who are you?

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Describe yourself

How old are you?

Where do you live?

What is your profession?

What do you like to learn from the course?

Empowering skills at the end of this program

Empowerment skills

Strenght

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Connection

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Awareness

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Self- talk


Storytelling: Me Myself and I 

Challenge of the day: My Self-care Wheel

What are my needs and values?

Instruction: Use this subject self-care wheel to describe your needs and values.
For example home environment: I need a clean house or for social life: I need support from others

Day 1: What are my dreams, passions and talents?

Introduction

Passions, talents, dreams??

Yes, your talents, passions and your dreams. And with dreams, we don't mean the 'American dream;' where you have to work hard to get what you want, but the dream that is already inside: your life purpose. The dream you achieve with your passions, talents & gits (emotions and feelings) core values and skills

How do I find a life purpose?

You sure already looked for 'your thing', something that gives you pleasure and satisfaction and I feel that you have tried many different things. In itself that is a great strategy, just try and do what you like or exciting. At the same time, you might be able to deliver even more if you know what is important to you, what your motives are.

If you find your motives then finding your passions is effortless and doesn't cost any energy or any money. It gives energy and so it gives money. But a lot of the times our passions are buried, our talents are forgotten and we are afraid to dream. We think great jobs and great gifts are only for a few people guaranteed. This course will hopefully give you a little push in the back to see your motives.

Let's discover how!

Role models

Role Models

Is a person who you are inspired by. This can be an international hero, a guru, a teacher, parent, a caregiver, a friend and so on. They give you extra energy to believe in your dreams and to work find your talents and passions. Let's go through mine first.

For me, the most important thing in belonging to others and to the world is to serve with awareness, strength and connection. These figures below each represent of this.

 Ghandi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SakitCoNYc

Who are  your role models?

A change starts now. Today not tomorrow.

"I want to change the world from an innate stubbornness"

For change, you need some kind of persistence. 

My change wishes: to myself

My change wishes:  to others

My change wishes: to the world

What are my talents

I find this questions difficult. Choose below you think suits for you:

  • Joke/humour
  • Creativity
  • Foreing language
  • writing
  • sports
  • learner
  • positiveness
  • hard worker
  • none of these. But I find one talent of mine

What are my passions? What gives my energy and strength?

I find this questions difficult. Choose below you think suits for you:

  • Put your answer option here
  • Put your answer option here

Challenge of the day: take action on your passions


Instruction:: fill in the form above. (you can download this page in PDF). And focus your action on your passions. Do the ideas, things or people.

Day 2: How do I respond to stress?

Stress and the body: an introduction

Four zones of coping in threading situation

Coping strategies in social, difficult situations

How do I react in social, difficult situations: am I a lion, teddy-bear, ostrich or owl?

Most people learn how to behave in the right way - that is, they follow rules, expectations, routines and established social norms - by looking at the people around them and adjusting their behaviour based on the feedback they receive from others. It is a process that occurs naturally in the development stages. Of course, we are guided by rules, consequences and social cueing, but sometimes these limits are not sufficient for the development of social skills. It can be that we are able to achieve things at the workplace but don't know how to respond in social situations. Or the other way around. To know what your coping skills are we gonna do some roleplaying in social situations. Remember there is no good or false answer. The roleplaying is just to gain insight into how you react or respond in difficult social situations.


Teddy-bear

The fixer:

  • Avoiding problems to protect a relationship 
  • Fear for the hurt in relationship or conflict workplace

Lion

The fighter:

  • Giving way is a sign of weakness 
  • Must be in control and to win 
  • Relationships are useful for self 
  • Want to have the highest position at the workplace


The Ostrich

The compromiser:

  • No fighter no fixer, winning a little and losing a little 
  • They see conflict or problem don’t act or sacrifice 
  • Ignore the problem and go for the short-term solution

The Owl 

Has empowering awareness. He is aware (attention) on his talents, passions and dreams but also knows what is difficult and challenging and needs nurturing. The Owl can act with strength of the lion but respond in the sake of the relationship. The Owl connects like a teddy bear but doesn't step behind his boundaries and knows his or her responsibilities.

How do I respond when I have an conflict with a friend?

  • Put your answer option here
  • Put your answer option here

How do I respond when I have an conflict with family?

  • Put your answer option here
  • Put your answer option here

How do I respond when I am at the workplace?

  • Put your answer option here
  • Put your answer option here

How do I respond when I am at the workplace?

Challenge of the day: imagine a stressful event or situation

To learn is to feel


Describe your stressful event or situation

Where do you feel it in your body?

Describe

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instructie

What is the worst thing can happen?

What can you do?

React not respond: release the emotions and feelings

The owl is self-care

Strenght, connection and awareness



Self-care as a coping mechanism  

We can all be tempted to use unhealthy coping mechanisms like drugs, alcohol, over-eating, and risk-taking. These self-destructive activities help us to regulate challenging emotions, but the relief is temporary.  The difference between unhealthy coping mechanisms and self-care activities is that the latter is uncontroversially good for you. When practised correctly, self-care has long-term benefit for the mind, the body, or both. To protect yourself, from the inside and from the outside. To be safe and in a comfortable position so we can take action on our pursuing your dreams and goals

Day 3: Self-care

Self-care tools

What to do when you need self-care but dont want to

Self-care is personal

Self-care activities and personality 


Tiny Self-Care Ideas

Body & Mind

1. Give your body ten minutes of mindful attention. Use the body scan technique to check in with each part of your body.

2. Oxygenate by taking three deep breaths. Breathe into your abdomen, and let the air puff out your stomach and chest.

3. Get down and boogie. Put on your favorite upbeat record and shake your booty.

4. Stretch out the kinks. If you’re at work, you can always head to the bathroom to avoid strange looks.

5. Run (or walk, depending on your current physical health) for a few minutes. Or go up and down the stairs three times.

6. Narrow your food choices. Pick two healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners and rotate for the week.

7. Activate your self-soothing system. Stroke your own arm, or if that feels too weird, moisturize.

8. Get to know yourself intimately. Look lovingly and without judgment at yourself naked. (Use a mirror to make sure you get to know all of you!)

9. Make one small change to your diet for the week. Drink an extra glass of water each day, or have an extra portion of veggies each meal.

10. Give your body a treat. Pick something from your wardrobe that feels great next to your skin.

11. Be still. Sit somewhere green, and be quiet for a few minutes.

12. Get fifteen minutes of sun, especially if you’re in a cold climate. (Use sunscreen if appropriate.)

13. Inhale an upbeat smell. Try peppermint to suppress food cravings and boost mood and motivation.

14. Have a good laugh. Read a couple of comic strips that you enjoy. (For inspiration, try Calvin and Hobbes, Dilbert, or xkcd.)

15. Take a quick nap. Ten to twenty minutes can reduce your sleep debt and leave you ready for action.

The Soul

1. Imagine you’re your best friend. If you were, what would you tell yourself right now? Look in the mirror and say it.

2. Use your commute for a “Beauty Scavenger Hunt.” Find five unexpected beautiful things on your way to work.

3. Help someone. Carry a bag, open a door, or pick up an extra carton of milk for a neighbor.

4. Check in with your emotions. Sit quietly and just name without judgment what you’re feeling.

5. Write out your thoughts. Go for fifteen minutes on anything bothering you. Then let it go as you burn or bin the paper.

6. Choose who you spend your time with today. Hang out 

with “Radiators” who emit enthusiasm and positivity, and not “Drains” whose pessimism and negativity robs energy.

7. Stroke a pet. If you don’t have one, go to the park and find one. (Ask first!)

8. Get positive feedback. Ask three good friends to tell you what they love about you.

9. Make a small connection. Have a few sentences of conversation with someone in customer service such as a 

sales assistant or barista.

10. Splurge a little. Buy a small luxury as a way of valuing yourself.

11. Have a self-date. Spend an hour alone doing something that nourishes you (reading, your hobby, visiting a museum or gallery, etc.)

12. Exercise a signature strength. Think about what you’re good at, and find an opportunity for it today.

13. Take a home spa. Have a long bath or shower, sit around in your bathrobe, and read magazines.

14. Ask for help—big or small, but reach out.

15. Plan a two-day holiday for next weekend. Turn off your phone, tell people you’ll be away, and then do something new in your own town.


Challenge of the day:

Day 4: Storytelling: Me Myself and I

what are my difficulties or challenges in life

Tell me something of your difficulties

Day 5: Boundaries

What are boundaries?

Healthy boundaries

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Unhealthy attachted

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Unhealthy isolated

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Types of boundaries

Personal

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Emotional

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Mental

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1

4. Material/relationship

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5. Physical

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6. Spirtual

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In wich type or types of boundaries you find difficult to set?

What do you find difficult?

How does it feel?

What can you do?

Communication: I - statement vs.. you-statement:

Decision making: doubt

The function of doubt


Making choices and making decisions, in and outside the comfort zone. Comes from self-care and the core, I, with needs, wishes and talents. Trust is 'fake it until you make it'. Your mind is a supercomputer, where there is no error or good. If you say that you can not do something then you can not. It is not about something you can or can not do, but how you focus / focus on an action or action. Link to information about attention and iceberg of day I.



Is there anything your doubting about at the moment?

  • Put your answer option here
  • Put your answer option here

Is there anything your doubting about at the moment?

The gift of doubt

Doubt As a Source of Power

Looking from the Acropolis, a perspective that helps you detach emotionally from what’s happening, doubt becomes a powerful tool that supports robust decision making and nurtures humility.

Humility helps you stay grounded in the knowing that you don’t know everything and always have something to learn. Humility also reminds you that as a human, you’re good at focusing and when you focus, you don’t see other things around you. Test yourself with this fun video.

Doubt can be seen as an informant that tells you about what you’re assuming/thinking, feeling and doing:



      • you’re rushing
      • you need new data
      • you’d benefit from creative perspectives of the situation
      • you’re downplaying/excluding existing data
      • you’re looking at the problem with a narrow perspective
      • consider learning from past experience, other emotions that surface, intuitive signals
      • you fear consequences
      • you want to control the outcome, putting your attention on the future vs being present
      • you’re judging your feeling of doubt or decision making process, clouding your ability to see what’s really there
      • you’re assuming that doubt means something about you and your competence as a leader
      • you’re avoiding your feelings, such as feeling unsure

You can surely glean additional information from your feeling of doubt. Consider them all and then course-correct. The more you practice learning from your feelings, the faster you’ll be able to identify and decode their messages. As you integrate your rational, emotional and intuitive processes and resulting information, you’ll be able to make consistently congruent decisions that generate excellent outcomes, across contexts.

Challenge of the day: make a choice

Day 6: Self- care

Stillness: Meditate. Start with just 2 or 5 minutes per day. Take a walk in nature. Take a few moments to simply be. Disable notifications on your phone. Pray

Do you like to meditate?

Do you want to learn more about meditation?

Not for everybody is meditating the best solution for taking self-care. Altough,

  • Yes. I would like to learn more about it.
  • No. Its to difficult right now. Skip the meditation section and go to release tension.

Meditation exercises

How did you felt after the meditation?

Release tension: different kinds of breathing exercises

Silence meditation


focus on your breath

Different tools to help you be aware


Mantra

Yantra

 Positive affimerations

I am


Music and humming


Meditation in your actions

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Self-talk: Observe. What do I hear? I have a gift? What are the inner voices telling me?

Observe. What do I hear?

What are the inner voices telling me?

Day 7: Comfort zone

Emotional calories: energy suckers and energy givers

Responsibilities: you, others and the world

Challenge of the day:

Day 8: Skills to lisen

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Day 9: Self-care

Self-talk: asking myself

Self-talk: Me, Myself and I

1. Comfort zone and posture: How do I stand? How does the other person stand? How do I stand firm? Proximity / distance. How does it feel tense, how does it feel relaxed?

2. Eyes: How do I look? How do others see me? What happens if I look differently? - Vote How do I sound? How do I listen to the other person and how does the other person sound? What do I say with words and what do I say with body language? What does intonation do with the message?

3. Self-esteem: How do I think about myself? How does the other person think about me? What does negative thinking with me during a game or exercise? Do I dare to be proud? Do I dare to brag?

4. Comfort zone and limits: What are limits? Do I feel my own limit and do I feel the boundary of the other?

5. Strength: How strong am I, with my eyes, my muscles, my voice, my thoughts?

6. Intuition and connection: What else do I feel than boundaries without touching someone? How do I know if something is right or not right? Do I dare to trust my feeling?

7. Collaboration: what is collaboration? Can I work together, how do you come to collaborate?

Day 10: Storytelling: Me, Myself and I

Childhood experiences and problems in adult life

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Healing is taking care of Me, Myself and I

Think of a not so pleasant memory of your childhood

Day 11: Dealing with emotions and feelings

Guilt versus Shame

If you are feeling shame or guilt 

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Guilt

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Shame

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Day 12: Self- care

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Day 13: dealing with emotions and feelings

The four basic emotions

Emotions are like climbing a mountain

Untitled open question

Feel anger!

How to trigger anger?

1.) Body-Raise your voice- Respond faster, louder- Making emotions sound in voice- Stamping, stamping feet, running on the spot- Kicking, hitting in the air or on a pillow- Squeeze something hard- Go screaming on the beach or the forest- Ball your fists, tighten your facial muscles (and relax again)

2.) Conversation with itself- Speak your anger, write it down. Keep conversations with yourself in an imaginary way- Let others know more often what you feel; what the situation or action does to you (owl: without accusing, attacking or avoiding)

Analyze your toughts

1. Name the behavior I notice that / I notice en question

Challenge of the day:

4. Name the desired behavior I would like you to involve me

3. Indicates the consequence for you The result is that I behave like a teddy bear / lion / ostrich

2. Name the feeling that this gives you I get the feeling that / It makes me open question

Day 14: Making a list

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Day 15: Self-care

Self-compassion

self care and compasson



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Day 16: Skill to speak

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Day 17: Letting go

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Day 18: Dealing with emotions and feelings

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Day 19: Self- care

Self-love

No one is coming to rescue you from yourself: your inner demons, your lack of confidence, your dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. Only self -love and good decisions will rescue you.

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Day 20: Storytelling: Me, Myself and I

Times I made others happy

Day 21: I AM and I CAN

I AM

Visual bord: create I am.


I CAN

Self- care wheel