Discover A Child

Discover and Empower A Child

Tools, Resources, and Insight  for  Anyone Involved in A Child's Life!

Introduction Story

Page 1

The Crisis that Started it All For Me:         

Insecurity and Comparison Invaded My Home

Page 2

Over ten years ago, when my daughters Rachel (age 6) and Kaitlyn (age 5) were in a competition together, I got my first ‘scary’ dose of “I have no idea how to handle this situation!” 

I had spent countless of hours teaching and coaching my girls the questions and answers to a Junior Bible Quiz competition.  They had studied very hard and learned over 200 questions, answers and verses and were ready for their first quiz meet. 

What happened that day has been forever etched into my mind.  Rachel, very competitive and intense, ‘quizzed out’ of every match and ended up the top scorer of the entire tournament in her category. 

In stark contrast, Kaitlyn did not answer one question.  She had a grand total of 0 points compared to her sister with well over 300 points.  I brought home a little girl that was celebrating and a little girl that was devastated, and I didn’t know what to do. 

After taking some time to think things through, I came to the realization - that this was the day I was going to empower my girls NOT to decide their worth or value was based on their achievements or accomplishments. 

Page 3

We sat down together and talked very deliberately with the girls and started explaining our opinion of both of them.  We shared with them the amazing revelation that each child is born with different giftings and talents.  Rachel did not get to choose what her gifts and talents were and neither did Kait get to choose what her gifts and talents were. 

Rachel had a tenacity about her and a determination she was going to win.  Kait was born with a love of life and ‘all things fun’ and winning wasn’t even high on her list. 

However, on the way home from the JBQ meet, doubt began to creep into Kaitlyn’s heart, like maybe she wasn’t as good as her sister.  Comparison began to work its way into our family that day.  And we faced it head on. 

Page 4

We talked all the way through what it felt like to be Rachel, winning match after match and how exciting it was.  We then talked through what it felt like to be Kaitlyn, NOT winning match after match, or even scoring for that matter. 

Each girl was able to feel what the other was feeling.  We discussed what it would be like if the girls were in each other’s positions.  We empowered them with empathy.  We then discussed some of Kait’s amazing abilities to act and create and Rachel’s lack of innate creativity.  We reminded the girls that every single person was unique. No one got todecide what their strengths and giftings were as well as their age, hair and eye color, etc. 

We asked, “Which one of them, Rachel or Kaitlyn, was the most important?”  The obvious answer, they were equally important.  That day, we talked  about the amazing differences between the girls and decided since neither of them was in charge of how they were created, they were going to make the decision not to think more highly of themselves than others. 

We all decided it was foolish to compare with one another when we all have different gifts and talents that are inborn and natural.

Page 5

We then chose to celebrate Rachel in her great accomplishment that day.  We should rejoice with those who are rejoicing! 

Not too soon after, Kaitlyn at age seven, had an amazing five minute dialogue in a play that ‘stole the show’ while Rachel had a secondary part that was minimal.  We had been practicing celebrating each other’s gifts and talents and were able to wholeheartedly celebrate Kait that night without Rachel feeling inferior. 

Allowing children to honestly look at their giftings, talents and personality, and helping them to acknowledge their strengths and their weaknesses, is a gift to them.  It allows them the freedom to ‘not have to compare’ and to be happy with themselves while celebrating others’ successes. 

We have continued this line of empowering for the past decade and it has shaped our family tremendously!  Empowering a child to believe they are a unique masterpiece, created with special giftings and talents allows them the privilege of enjoying themselves.  In stark contrast, others, sadly, get trapped in a world of comparison, often at a very young age.  

Page 6

We have found that the foundation of truth that we have based our thinking on has helped tremendously as my older girls have worked through the ‘drama’ of the middle school years. 

There will always be opportunities for people of all ages to feel insecure. The world is constantly portraying ideals of real success.  However, the truth is that each individual’s worth and value is not associated with what they can accomplish in life, but who they are. 

Thankfully, I have had the opportunity to teach my children this concept.  The unexpected blessing I gained is that as I taught them this valuable truth, I began to believe it myself. 

I found that in order to authentically convey the truth of this message to my girls, I needed to believe it myself.  I, too, have become ‘more free’ from the cycle of insecure thinking as well.  You are never too old to learn healthier ways of thinking!

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Obviously this is a story from within my own family.  But this is also a story of every 5 and 6 yr. old, every 10 and 11 yr. old, every 14 and 15 yr. old, every adult in a relationship.

Teaching a child the ability to identify their strengths and not to 'live a life of comparison' will unleash untold, limitless potential within themselves.  They will strive to new heights and change the atmosphere around them!  And you might just begin to believe it too!

Our Responsibility

Module 1

We are responsible to discover and empower the children on our lives.

Module 2

Every single child is a unique masterpiece, full of gifts, talents, personalities, strengths and weaknesses.  It our responsibility to study the children in our lives, to learn them and understand what makes them tick.  Each child is so full of potential and we have the incredible opportunity of discovering and empowering each of the children that is in our lives. 

The word discover leads one to a sense of excitement, anticipation and expectation.  Finding a new discovery is exciting.  Discovering a child is just as exciting!

Module 3

It is this type of anticipation and excitement we need to embrace when considering the children our lives.  As a family welcomes a newborn into the world it is easy to find joy each day as the child learns to smile, roll over, say the first word, and take the first step.

During the first few years of life, milestones after milestones are accomplished and a parent lives in a state of discovery with their child. 

However, it seems that once the newness wears off, and the reality of teaching, training and guiding a child throughout their entire childhood settles in, the continual ‘discovery’ of that child decreases. 

Module 4

As an educator, we are constantly barraged with the latest, greatest, teaching techniques, ideas, suggestions and guidelines.  We  evaluate where kids fit in, in comparison with everyone else all around us.   In addition, we have experts everywhere telling us what they should eat, how they should behave, where they should fit academically and how to improve in all areas. 

Teaching and training a child is a challenge-but all the more when we constantly look all around us to try to figure out how to do it!  It is time to focus inward on the child.  Take some time to reflect upon the little person in your life and figure out who they are before trying to make them turn out to be “someone’ everyone else thinks they should be. 

Module 5

Discovering the child in your life, understanding their personalities, and identifying the way they give and receive love and acceptance will be one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and that child. 

Every child is unique and it is foolish to think they can all be treated the same.  The ‘cookie cutter method’ does not work.  Gaining insight into who the child is, understanding their natural bent and accepting them for who they really are-allows you the freedom empower them 'in the way they should go.'

  • It takes the pressure off of you having to read every teaching, training and behavioral  book out there. 
  • It takes the pressure off of you having to have the child perform a certain way to be successful.
  • It takes the pressure off of you and allows you the freedom to enjoy this unique little person full of personality, ideas, creativity and passions.

Module 6

Our job is to train a child in their natural bent.  First we need to discover what their natural bent is.  After that, empower them.  Empowering a child taps into unlimited potential.

When you have insight into a child, you can wisely guide them, speak life and truth to them and watch their confidence grow right in front of your eyes! 

The first section of this course will teach you about some tools to Discover A Child and the second section I will share examples of how to Empower A Child.  Children are a blessing.  I have discovered the blessing has come to me as I maneuver through the difficult years of learning how to educate, train, teach and sometimes, just manage them. 

As a result, the children that have been in my life have (mostly) flourished along with me and my character that has been challenged and built as well.  Throughout the process of discovering and empowering children, I have discovered and empowered myself as well.  You cannot teach and model something without walking it out authentically. 

Prepare yourself for the 'joy of discovery' and the ‘aha’ moments of understanding, combined with the unstoppable momentum and confidence that is ignited in you and the child in your life as they live a life of empowerment.

Overview of DISC

Module 1

Understanding Personalities Types

Of course there are already thousands of teaching /educating / parenting books and resources out there to choose from and so many of them are good.  However, I am going to be sharing from a couple of tools and resources that have been very beneficial to me and the children in my life. 

I'll begin first by describing DISC.  The DISC model was first created, in the early 1920's,  by William Moulton Marston (a PhD in Psychology from Harvard).   "William Moulton Marston's life story is an interesting one—filled with accomplishments that at first seem totally unrelated. He was a lawyer, a psychologist, invented the first functional lie detector polygraph, created the DISC model for emotions and behavior of normal people, authored self-help books and created the Wonder Woman comic."  https://www.discprofile.com/what-is-disc/william-marston/

Over the decades DISC has greatly evolved from just a model to a tool and resource used by millions. 

DISC stands for the following: (Check all that apply.)

  • Disciplined
  • Dominant
  • Interrogative
  • Influential
  • Sarcastic
  • Steady
  • Communicative
  • Compliant

Module 2

As you can clearly see, this tool focuses on the four areas: Dominant, Influential, Compliant and Steady.  Each of the areas is broken into strengths and separated with the natural ‘weakness’ that tends to go along with those strengths. 

Module 3

It is very interesting to note that a person’s weaknesses tend to align with a strength that goes ‘overboard.’  For example, a strong, decisive leader with powerful decision making capabilities can go overboard and turn into a domineering controlling leader who hurts the very team he is trying to lead. 

Or an inspirational, interactive, ‘life of the party’ leader can sometimes make impulsive decisions without counting the costs that the cautious compliant would have avoided. 

Each of the four personality areas are excellent.  There are no bad personalities vs. good personalities.  However, it is important to understand how you all are wired so you can manage interpersonal relationships with the people around you at work or at home within the family.

A weakness: (Check the statement that is true)

  • should always be worked on.
  • tends to align with a strength that goes ‘overboard.’

Module 4

It is very interesting to understand that people with strong Influential and Steady personalities are people focused while the Dominant and Compliant personalities tend to be task focused. Further, the people that are Dominant and Influencers are active, quick to make decisions while the Steady and Compliant people are reflective and need some time to make their decisions. 

In my personal coaching sessions, I learned that my husband is ‘charged up’ in a room of strangers making small talk … and that exact scenario is what depletes and exhausts me.  When you gain an understanding of what makes you ‘come alive’ and what depletes you, you can manage your life in a healthier way to allow some ‘recharge time’ for the more introverted, and ‘social time’ for the more extroverted. 

All in all, after personally taking the full assessment, I ended up with a 27 page DISC report; a very detailed analysis of my personality.  I discovered the areas in which I thrive and the areas that deplete me.  Also, I was given tips on negotiating to get my needs met when working with different personality types. Overall, this tool ended up profoundly affecting me in many relationships, both with adults as well as children.

People with strong Influential and Steady personalities tend to be ______________________ while the Dominant and Compliant personalities tend to be _____________________.

  • task focused, people focused
  • people focused, task focused

Module 5

Understanding yourself is so important.  Knowledge of the way you are ‘wired’, why you think the way you do, what your natural tendencies are, and realizing the way you act or feel is ‘normal’ -because of the way you have been created, allows you to take a step back and look at your life through a different lens. 

There is a peace that comes in understanding yourself that allows you to stop comparing yourself to others, accept your natural strengths and embrace who you really are.  The majority of us have spent a large portion of our life trying to figure ourselves out and where we ‘fit in’ in life. 

It is this gift of understanding that is imperative to share with the children in your lives.

Discovering A Child’s Personality

Module 1

What if we could help children understand who they are, discover their unique personalities, and teach them how to use their strengths and manage their weaknesses at a young age? 

If a child grows up understanding their natural tendencies, how to manage interpersonal relationships and decides not to waste their life trying to ‘fit in’ and comparing themselves to others-they have far surpassed the majority of people who struggle with searching for their true identity their entire lives.

Some people struggle to find their true identity (understanding their strengths and weaknesses) their entire life.

  • True
  • False

Module 2

I have found a wonderful resource called The Treasure Tree. The story is of a great adventure of four friends the Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever and the Beaver and how they all handle life differently because of their unique, different personalities.

Module 3

In the story, Lance the Lion was always taking action.  He had a plan and attempted to lead his oblivious carefree, faithful and conscientious group of friends on the mission to find the first hidden key.  Along the way, they encountered obstacles and he always managed to lead them with quick thinking and decisive solutions and found the first hidden key.

Module 4

Giggles the Otter had joy and entertainment on her mind.  All throughout the journey, Giggles managed to create and find the fun.  Eating blueberry pies, rolling down a sand dune on accident, playing tag with a crab were just part of a normal day for the otter.  The mission of finding the second key was important but she was going to have fun in the process as she discovered the second key.

Module 5

Honey the Golden Retriever kept hearing a voice calling for help and eventually abandoned her friends at Peppermint Falls to go rescue a butterfly trapped in a spider web. Honey’s compassion and desire to help actually led her friends in the right direction.  Honey could not ignore the need to help someone in distress.  In the end the rescued butterfly led them to the third hidden key.

Module 6

Chewy the Beaver used his conscientious attention to detail to help the group of friends solve the riddle and analyze four bunnies with ‘something out of place.’  Only one would lead them to the fourth hidden key and Chewy’s precise observation skills saved the day.  In the end, each of the friends had found one of the four hidden keys.  However, they could not unlock the gate to the Treasure Tree until all four of them placed their keys together and created one large key.  

A children's book that helps explain the different personality types is:

  • The Secret Treasure
  • The Treasure Key
  • The Treasure Tree
  • The Secret Key

Module 7

The Treasure Tree depicts the four different personalities from the vantage point of a child and begins the process of teaching children about the differences we all have. 

Above is an integrated diagram relating the animals in The Treasure Tree to the DISC personality profile and gives a little more understanding of the different strengths of the Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever and the Beaver.  An important note is to remember your children are still defining who they are and their personalities will continue to evolve as they mature.  Most children and adults tend to fall within two categories of personality types.  It is highly unusual for someone to fall solely in one category, although it is possible.

Most children and adults tend to fall within ________ personality types.

  • One
  • two
  • three
  • four

Module 8

At the end of the book is a short survey in which you, the adult, answer a few questions about the child to determine where the child’s personality tends to have the most strength at this point in life. 

I highly recommend purchasing The Treasure Tree and reading it with the children in your life.  You can never start too early by sharing with them the uniqueness that each child possesses and how important and necessary they are - just the way they are.  If you are interested, the book can be purchased at Amazon here: (https://www.amazon.com/Treasure-Tree-Helping-Understand-Personality/dp/0849958490/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491515400&sr=8-1&keywords=the+treasure+tree)

If you are unable to acquire the book, I have included a link below to take an automated, free, similar online version of the short quiz on behalf of the children in your life.

Free automated online personality quiz:  www.schober.org

Module 9

Understanding a child’s personality does not solve all of child educating and training issues-but it gives very valuable insight into what motivates that child and what is considered 'normal.'

For example, knowing that I have some very strong, dominant, leader-type children, that I educate and train on a daily basis, has forced me to study how to understand and interact with that type of personality so I can guide them, correct them and motivate them without them taking over.   

This understanding has also allowed me to teach those children about each other’s strengths and weaknesses as well. Discovering the Child(children) in your life also equips you with the ability to teach those children how to understand themselves, their peers - for that matter, anyone they interact with.

Module 10

As we equip children with knowledge and understanding of who they are, and the others around them, they can be taught how to manage emotions and interpersonal relationships well-at a very young age. Emotional Intelligence is invaluable. 

The definition of Emotional intelligence (EI) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people's emotions, to discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and to manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt environments or achieve one's goal(s).[1

______________________________ involves the capability to recognize emotions, discern between feelings, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and to manage/adjust emotions to adapt to environments and/or achieve one's goals.

  • Artificial Intelligence
  • Linguistic Intelligence
  • Emotional Intelligence
  • Existential Intelligence

Module 11

Teaching a child Emotional Intelligence, to appreciate people’s natural strengths and to work with them-rather than against them-will help them throughout their entire lives. 

This type of teaching fosters honor and respect for one another.  It will also help bring stability and peace into the classroom environment as children gain confidence, empathy and understanding and it will overflow into all areas of their lives.

Discovering A Child’s Love Language

Module 1

Understanding how a child gives and receives love.

Another very important tool that I have studied  involves discovering the way children give and receive love.  I highly recommend the book the Five Love Languages of Children. https://www.amazon.com/5-Love-Languages-Children/dp/0802403476/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1491673223&sr=8-2&keywords=five+love+language+of+children

Module 2

Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell have done an excellent job of identifying five major areas and descriptions of love:  

  • Physical Touch
  • Acts of Service
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Gift Giving
  • Quality Time

Each child is uniquely created to give and receive love and generally falls into one or two of the above categories.  If you read the book, you will have a rich resource that focuses on the heart of a child.  However, you may already have some insight into a child’s heart without even being fully aware of it. 

The Love Languages identified by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell are the following:

  • Physical Action
  • Physical Touch
  • Acts of Kindness
  • Acts of Service
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Words of Assimilation
  • Sacrificial Giving
  • Gift Giving
  • Quality Time
  • Quality Control

Module 3

Spend some time watching and contemplating the children in your life and watch what they do throughout the day. 

A child that is always in your personal space, climbing on you, and physically wrestling, etc., is most likely a child that thrives with physical touch.  

Another child that is always asking you to play with them, read with them or do different activities will fall into the quality time category. 

If you spend some time telling a child how important they are and how proud of them you are and they walk away beaming and happy, there is a good chance that words of affirmation is their natural way of receiving love.

A child that is continually making you little gifts and giving them is probably a gift giver

Finally, a child who sees you working and naturally just steps in to help seeing work that needs to be done and doing it, thrives with acts of service.  

A child that is always in your personal space, climbing on you, and physically wrestling, etc., is most likely a child that thrives with ____________________ .

  • words of affirmation
  • quality time
  • physical touch

A child who sees you working and naturally just steps in to help - seeing work that needs to be done - and doing it, most likely thrives in the area of _________________________.

  • gift giving
  • quality time
  • acts of service

Module 4

During interaction with a child, it is important to understand the uniqueness of each child.  A child who feels secure and loved will thrive.  Discovering ways to connect with their hearts will help them build a foundation that represents security and love to them. 

Discovering a child is profoundly complex and exciting.  As you make the decision to study the children in your life, and discover how they give and receive love, you gain greater insight into their hearts. 

A child who trusts you with their heart will build a relationship with you.  As you teach, train and correct a child, wisdom will flow from you as you focus on each child from the vantage point of their unique needs and mindsets. 

Module 5

 If you wholeheartedly invest into a child’s deepest needs and nourish their hearts and soul as they are learning, growing and developing, the benefits will be immeasurable. They will begin to mature and grow into confident, emotionally healthy, intelligent, strong individuals who can think for themselves, understand their unique worth, and value other people and relationships. 

Teaching and sharing emotional intelligence and love will provide stability and empower a child to maneuver through life’s difficult challenges and make wiser choices along the way.  When the children in your life thrive, you will personally reap benefits of deep inner joy and satisfaction at having invested in the one of the most valuable of all treasures-a child!

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