The A.S.K. Qualification

The A.S.K. Qualification (A.S.K. - A Serenity Kit) is a course designed for Counselors, Coaches, Psychotherapists, NLP Practitioners and so on.  It has been endorsed by the ICF - International Coaching Federation, as part of their CCE (Continuing Coach Education) program.

A.S.K. is a 3 step therapy technique designed to change thoughts, emotions and behaviors on a subconscious basis see - www.aserenitykit.com

A.S.K. was launched in 2015 to the public and has been receiving global reviews as to the impact on its effectiveness in changing thoughts, emotions and behavior long term.  

The technique has been proven to change insomnia (see Sunday Express review on the site), bereavement issues, stress problems, financial debt, relationship dynamics, career stagnation, entrepreneurship challenges, parenting difficulties, conflict and so on.  It can be used on ANY issue and is an excellent cognitive tool compliment to the already established therapy tools in the marketplace.  

Kelly Armatage spent 2 years creating the A.S.K. technique (and accompanying A Serenity Kit for the public) and there is now a need to educate and teach therapists and coaches this genius and revolutionary system, so that they can have another tool in their arsenal, to help their clients.  

Along the lines of NLP, CBT, The Work, EFT and TFT, A.S.K. is an in-depth subconscious rewiring tool that any Therapist or Coach would appreciate education on, due to the great results we are seeing on those who have experienced an A.S.K. session.  

The A.S.K. Course is a 10 module course that teaches prospective Therapists, Facilitators and Coaches how to use it on their clients.  The A.S.K. Technique deals with the thoughts, emotions, picked up habits/learned behaviors and subconscious pay-offs of an individual, hence creating deep and effective change long-term for those that experience it.  

The A.S.K. Course 10 modules are as follows:-

Module 1 – What is the A.S.K. Technique

Module 2 – Emotional Pain Due To Thought Perceptions

Module 3 – Picked Up Habits & Learned Behaviors

Module 4 – Subconscious Pay-Offs

Module 5 – New Habits & Behaviors (Plan)

Module 6 – Growth From Previous Pain

Module 7 – How To Facilitate The A.S.K. Technique

Module 8 – A.S.K. Videos

Module 9 – Counseling Skills

Module 10 – Summary & Essay

Module 1

Module 1 – What is The A.S.K. Technique?

The A.S.K. Technique is a therapy tool that rewires the subconscious of an individual. It is based on rewiring the three most important areas that create change – cognitive (thought), feeling (mood/reaction) and habit (behavior).

The A.S.K. Technique is a method that creates change of thought, feeling and habit, which sets up the solution to issues, problems and troubles in an individual’s life.

The areas of a client’s life are as follows: -

  • Past (perception of the past)
  • Future (perception of the future)
  • Health
  • Finances
  • Career
  • Hobbies
  • Parenting
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Relationships
  • Social Life
  • Self Esteem
  • Self Confidence
  • Etc

The A.S.K. Technique has been designed to change the individual’s thought, feeling and habit pertaining to any part of their life. As they change the (negative) thought, feeling and actions in an area of their life, they then have the power, motivation and awareness to make that area of their life different and more successful, thus dismantling old results.

The A.S.K. Technique was designed for the public, as a simple tool for them to use on themselves. The results and reviews have been very successful. However, as time progresses, the need for Facilitators to guide the public through the A.S.K. method has become apparent. As well as this, it has become clear that Coaches, Counselors and Psychotherapists etc have the need for additional powerful, cognitive tools to use on their clients. Hence, the creation of the A.S.K. course and certification for Facilitators.

A.S.K. is a technique that has been designed for any negative occurrence. A dysfunctional relationship, career stagnation, parenting problems, financial lack, an argument, leadership issues, health struggles, low self esteem, addictions, past trauma etc. Basically, any external condition that the client is reacting negatively to.

The intention of A.S.K. is to provide a clear and simple technique, so that anybody that is in emotional pain and/or stuck in a behavior can heal that programming and move forward into change. So that the client can slide along the feelings spectrum, from guilt, sadness and anger to confidence, gratitude and empowerment.

It is via this transition (plus the motivation to change actions), that awareness of the self and others can happen, which evokes the surrender for deep healing and powerful change.

Once you as an A.S.K. Facilitator have passed this course, you will have a powerful tool in your arsenal for your clients. A tool that is creating change, self-awareness and long lasting results for those that have the option to experience it.

Below are some testimonials from clients that have experienced an A.S.K. session or bought A Serenity Kit. (Testimonials as listed on www.aserenitykit.com)

INSOMNIA ISSUE

The Sunday Express Newspaper UK (circulation 0.7 million readers)

“I work through my plan every evening and have cut out the negative patterns from my days that were causing my sleep to be so bad at night. I am definitely sleeping better and am already planning to use this clever little kit to work through some other issues that I have”.

ENTREPRENEUR ISSUE

Rawia Beyhum · “Kelly Armatage coached me using A.S.K during one of her workshops. The effect it had on replacing my defeating / limiting beliefs with empowering thoughts was immediate and powerful. The results are long-term. I’m looking forward to trying out the A.S.K KIT. Thank you very much Kelly. I’m grateful to you and your dedication to healing and aligning people to their desires”.

BEREAVEMENT ISSUE

Clare Lightfoot - “Thank you Kelly for an amazing A.S.K. Session. I was able to gain clarity and make important life altering decisions after my session with Kelly. My grief which had weighed so heavily around me lifted and I was able to move forward. The pain of loss is still there and always will be. However after the session I felt energised and able to face my life and to move on. Thank you very much Kelly”.

PERSONAL ISSUE

Yasmene Sabkar · “With Kelly's guidance through A.S.K., I was able to work through an issue that had been holding me back for many years. This technique enabled me to self-reflect, to dig deeper into the feelings I had regarding the issue, and to actively work on shifting my thoughts. A simple technique that took little time and has enabled me to move forward with improved and more positive thought patterns. Highly recommended. Thank you, Kelly!”

CAREER ISSUE

Shelley Butler · “I want to thank you so much for A.S.K, I was stuck with negative thoughts and couldn't move past it. These thoughts became all consuming and I was unable to function in my day to day activities. Once I completed the technique, I immediately moved on, my thoughts became clearer. I must admit that the exercise brought me to reflect on my negative self and it was tough. I had an amazing experience completing the worksheet to move past my bad "mojo" and have overcome the negativity that brought me to my knees. I reached out and A.S.K brought me back to being a leader and delivering value to my team. Thank you, you have given me the gift of peace”.

So, as you can see A.S.K. is wonderful for creating new results, new feelings, new perceptions, new habits and new outcomes for clients. A powerful tool that can be used as a solution for any client’s problem.

The A.S.K. Technique consists of 3 Steps: -

1. Commitment

2. Truth – (Picked Up Habit / Pay-Off / Plan)

3. Growth

The A.S.K. Technique has been designed so that the client can become aware of the following: -

1. Their thoughts and perceptions that are contributing to an issue (judgment).

2. Their picked up habits and subconscious pay-offs that are creating negative results.

3. Compassion and understanding for their behavioral training.

4. Compassion and understanding for other people’s behavioral training.

5. The motivation for new thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

6. The knowledge of codependency (and how we cannot change other people’s behaviors, only our reaction and communication towards them).

7. The growth (additional skills, attributes and lessons) gained through this issue/any pain experienced.

It is a psychological tool that allows the client to become truly self-aware. Self-aware of habitual patterns and also aware of other people’s habitual patterns. A tool for subconscious rewiring that changes habits. A tool that creates increased self-esteem. A tool that dismantles negative emotion. A tool that provides a view into the psychology of how we behave.

The A.S.K. Technique typically takes between 20 and 45 mins to carry out. This is dependent on how the session flows, how many questions are needed and the time to transition the client to a new outcome.

Even if the client is not aware of a problem in their life, you can lead them to identify negative thoughts, feelings and habits in an area of their life, by asking the question – “What part of your life is most dissatisfactory for you right now?”. This then leads the client and you as the Facilitator to determine the life area for improvement and change. By identifying the client’s dissatisfaction for example in their career, indicates the negative thought (ie “I am dissatisfied with my career/I dislike my boss/I feel under-valued/I am over-worked etc”), which creates negative feeling (discontentment), which you can then help the client to indentify the negative behaviors and actions (or even non-action) that are occurring. A.S.K. is the perfect tool to change dissatisfaction in life areas.


Summary of Module 1

  • The A.S.K. Technique is a 3 step subconscious tool for Facilitators that rewires the thoughts, emotions and habits of the client.
  • A.S.K. can be used on any issue.
  • A.S.K. can be used in any area of life – career, relationships, finances, health, entrepreneurship, parenting etc.
  • The A.S.K. Technique typically takes between 20 and 45 mins to carry out
  • The A.S.K. Technique guides the client to compassion for their past and motivation for their future.


1. What are the three most important areas, that A.S.K. rewires, that create change for a client?

2. How long typically does the A.S.K. Technique take to carry out on a client?

3. What is the question to ask the client, to determine an area of their life that you can use A.S.K. on?

4. There are many things the client becomes aware of through doing A.S.K. Name 4 things that a client can learn/become aware of?

5. Name 5 negative occurrences, problems situations that A.S.K. could be used on to help?

Module 2

Module 2 - Emotional Pain Due To Thought Perceptions

Emotional pain or stress is caused because of the following: -

1. Your client’s judgment of themselves for their actions/habits/behaviors

2. Your client’s judgment of others for their actions/habits/behaviors

3. Your client’s judgment of external and unwanted conditions

4. The inability to move forward, due to the above

In all cases it is judgment. Judgment or criticism means to have resentment towards what is. Judgment is caused by negative thoughts. A thought such as “I do not like this”. Judgment is to state that if things were different, they would feel happy, secure, more confident or more cheerful. Judgment is to resist against what is and be in the illusion of gaining happiness, if external conditions were to change.

Resistance to the truth causes emotional pain. If we were to analyse the emotions of pain, they would be along the following lines: -

  • Irritation = this is bothering me somewhat
  • Frustration = this is really bothering me
  • Anger = this is bothering me so much, I want to lash out
  • Demotivation = this is bothering me so much, I cannot work
  • Sadness = this is bothering me so much, I want to cry
  • Depression = this is bothering me so much, I cannot eat or sleep
  • Despair = this is bothering me so much, I do not want to live

It is all about being bothered by external stuff. As opposed to being centered, no matter what is happening in the world. The emotional pain exists because the mind would like something to be a certain way. The desire to control a situation ie “If I had not done this, or if you had not done that, or if things were different, only then can I be ok. Only then, am I ok to be calm, motivated and happy”.

As human beings, our tendency is to judge the actions of ourselves and the actions of others, this is wherein our emotional pain lies. In the non-acceptance of the truth. The truth being the understanding of human thinking and behavior and why we do what we do.

When a mind judges, it becomes delusional, illusional and rooted in non-fact.

Non-fact – why? Non-fact in the reality of how we behave as species, as humans, as beings. We as humans are taught how to be, how to behave, how to act, through our practice of picked up habits that we have accumulated.

12 Reasons For Emotional Pain

  • Emotional pain occurs, because of non-acceptance of the truth of people’s behavioral programming.
  • Emotional pain occurs due to judgment and resistance against reality.
  • Emotional pain occurs because the client believes that without the very thing they are attached to, they will be unsafe and unhappy.
  • Emotional pain occurs because the client believes that if the other party was to behave accordingly, then they can be secure.
  • Emotional pain occurs because the client is seeing their past experiences through the lens of blame, guilt and sadness.
  • Emotional pain occurs because the client is criticizing the picked up habits of themselves and others.
  • Emotional pain occurs because the client does not understand how humanity forms its habits.
  • Emotional pain occurs because of no compassion for the subconscious payoffs of humanity.
  • Emotional pain occurs because the client does not know how to proceed.
  • Emotional pain occurs because the client is blinded to the growth that the situation is providing them.
  • Emotional pain occurs because the client does not know the truth. The truth of their habits for secret payoffs and other people’s habits for secret payoffs. As well as the truth of how to change these habits, which will truly change their lives.
  • Emotional pain occurs because the client is in the habit of judgment. Emotional pain is caused by resistance to the truth. Emotional freedom is caused by acceptance of the truth.

The A.S.K. Technique teaches, primarily through step 2 (Truth) – acceptance of trained in behaviors and habits (for either the client or someone they are in a conflict with). As you guide the client to remove the habit of judgment they learn: -

a) clarity of their behavioral training (compassion for self)

b) clarity of other people’s behavioral training (compassion for others)

When the client comes out of judgment and denial, they are then able to see the truth of the situation, ie “this is the result of my health, finances, career, social life, parenting because of my habits and actions that I am doing”. When they remove the judgment, denial, irritation and guilt, this then stops the self-sabotage and stagnation that these negative emotions supply. Guilt, denial, anger and judgment cannot create change or solution, just more pain and continuing issues.

Basic Feelings/Emotions Chart (for extended emotions list – see A Serenity Kit Manual)

Positive                                           Negative

Acceptance                                   Boredom

Contentment                                Irritation

Compassion                                  Frustration

Forgiveness                                   Demotivation

Confidence                                    Anger

Motivation                                     Resentment

Peaceful                                          Sadness

Happiness                                      Jealousy

Joy                                                     Depression

Love                                                  Despair

Feelings are created via thought perception. A thought is an idea, a judgment, an opinion and a story created in the mind. If the thought is negative, the ensuing feelings felt by the client are negative and if the thought is positive, the ensuing feelings felt by the client are positive.

We can test this through a simple example of thinking or saying out loud the following differing perceptions:-

Negative thought - “I am ugly and a failure” – resulting immediate feelings felt would be shame and sadness.

Positive thought – “I am attractive and a success” – resulting immediate feelings felt would be contentment and motivation.

The transition for the client from negative to positive feeling is a simple one.

It is important for the client to change their negative perception (judgment towards self or other or external situations) to acceptance. The A.S.K. Technique allows the client to achieve this in step 2 via acceptance of the behavioral conditioning of themselves and others. By changing their judgmental thoughts, which causes all negative emotions to understanding thoughts, they can then feel acceptance, peace and compassion.

We will go on in more detail in later modules of how to do the technique and guide the client to transition. The purpose of this module is to teach you as a Facilitator the following: -

  • Thoughts create emotions/feelings, either positive or negative.
  • Emotional pain is caused because of the client’s judgmental thoughts towards themselves or other people’s actions or external conditions (In a generalised thought form of “I do not like this”)
  • The emotional pain can be removed through switching the client’s judgment to understanding “I understand am at peace with myself/them/the external condition”. This thought of understanding, compassion and forgiveness replaces all prior, negative and judgmental thoughts.

Summary of Module 2

  • Feelings are created via thought perception.
  • Emotional pain/stress is created through judgmental thoughts towards self, others or external conditions.
  • Emotional pain occurs, because of non-acceptance of the truth of people’s behavioral programming.
  • The A.S.K. Technique helps the client to remove all stress and emotional pain, through the acceptance of all behavioral programming.

1. As an A.S.K. Facilitator, what is the most important thing you need to guide the client to do with their judgment and criticism towards themselves and others for past actions?

2. When understanding occurs for the client, the anger, sadness and guilt etc that the client is feeling is replaced with which 3 positive emotions?

3. List 5 reasons the client is in emotional pain?

4. As you guide the client to remove the habit of judgment, what is clarified for them?

5. Describe how feelings are created?

6. What are 3 feelings a client might feel if they have a negative perception?

7. What are 3 feelings a client might feel if they have a positive perception?

8. Give an example of a negative perception based on a client’s past actions?

9. Give an example of a positive perception based on a client’s past actions?

10. Can client’s move forward into change, if they are frustrated or judging the actions of themselves or others?

One Hour Direct Training

Module 2 also includes a 1 hour of direct training and tuition online with Kelly Armatage on Module 2 content. Please email [email protected] to book in this session via Skype.

Module 3

Module 3 – Picked Up Habits & Learned Behaviors

If a client has an issue in their life, this is due to a negative action, behavior or habit that they are carrying out. The A.S.K. Technique helps you to guide the client to a) awareness of their behaviors and b) the forgiveness of the behaviors and c) the motivation to carry out the opposite behaviors. This is how change and new positive life outcomes occur.

It is important for the A.S.K. Facilitator to know that all individuals are taught how to behave. Many individuals do not know why they have issues, or why they are in pain. Many individuals do not have self-awareness of why they do what they do. The A.S.K. Technique has been designed to create this self-awareness and knowledge for the client and the A.S.K. Facilitator.

All behaviors are learnt via : -

1. Behavioral modeling – through copying parents, siblings, guardians, teachers and friends’ behaviors.

2. Or non-modeling, whereby the individual consciously chose in the past to NOT model a behavior that they were shown.

3. Or situational curveballs (past events) that happen along the life path. For example, experiencing your parent’s divorce in childhood could create relationship fears and negative relationship habits.

THE HUMAN PANTED CANVAS (SIMILE)

All individuals are born as a black canvas, whereby they do not know how to behave. As people grow and listen and watch the world around them, they learn how to behave, they learn how to act, they learn their rituals, routines and habits. Every person in the world is educated via the people around them, what is the ‘right’ way to behave and what is the ‘wrong’ way to behave.

From this blank canvass, each stroke of paint is added. The strokes of paint are the picked up habits, the rituals, the routines, the practices, the behaviors, the actions. The paint of how to eat, how to walk, how to study, how to ride a bike, how to succeed, how to fail, how to spend, how to think, how to feel, how to dress, how to work, how to socialise, how to love, how to view the world, how to be in the world, how to be a victor or victim in the world. Learned behaviors (positive or negative) exists in each area of the individual’s life – career, finances, health, self esteem, relationships, social, parenting and so on. The learned behavior is “picked up”.

There will be a paint stroke for habits towards health. There will be a paint stroke for habits towards finances. There will be a paint stroke for habits towards relationships. There will be a paint stroke for habits towards career. There will be a paint stroke for habits towards conflict. There will be a paint stroke for habits towards communication.

Each stroke of paint defines how to behave in each area of life. Every person is educated how to behave. Some of the habits they pick up serve them, such as healthy eating and some of the habits they pick up do not serve them, such as eating junk food. All individuals reflect the way they have been trained in their behaviors.

Every single human being on the planet has a painted canvass. A picture of habitual patterns. A picture of learned behavior. A picture of practices. A picture of rituals. A picture of routines. A picture of habits. A picture of how to act. A picture that shows the behavior in every area of their life. Every single human being on the planet is taught negative, learned habits and positive, learned habits.

A picked up habit is a behavior that was observed by an individual and modeled, as they perceived, or were conditioned to see, ‘the benefits’ of acting this way. What is fact is that no two canvasses, no two pictures are the same, everyone has different strokes. No two works of art are identical. No two people act consistently the same in every single area of their lives. No two people have exactly the same picked up habits. No two people have the exact same learned behaviors. An individual may be taught to work hard and to eat healthily, but yet to be controlling in relationships. Similarly, another individual may have been taught to procrastinate on their goals, but yet love people unconditionally. No two people have the same paint.

The paint is the habits. A client’s picture of habits is different to any one else’s picture of habits. Each person has a painted picture of picked up habits. The picked up habits are wired in subconsciously at a neural pathway level in the brain and many of these behaviors were wired in in their formative years. These neural pathways are major highways in the brain, major grooves, and it is difficult to change them because they are so wired in.

New beliefs, new thinking, new patterns of habit correspond with neural pathways that are very small and undeveloped. When an individual creates a new picked up habit, it is important that they become conscious that they are up against the biology of their original wiring and to never judge that original wiring. It is through the acceptance (non-judgment) of the old wiring and picked up habit plus a plan to go forward, that new wiring/new behavior and ultimately change can occur.

“Forgive them for they do not know what they do”. This statement is created by a sane mind, a mind that understands the truth of humanity, the truth of life, the truth of evolution, the truth of conditioned reality. The truth of picked up habits for secret payoffs. If the client added another statement such as : - “I forgive myself, for I do not know what I do”, they go into observation, they go into acceptance, they go into understanding, they go into self awareness, they go into sanity and it is only from this place that they are able to make true change in their own lives by a) making a plan to go forward for their own change and b) by changing their relationship with others through the non-reaction of their picked up habits.

For clients to change their picked up habits they need to : -

1. Observe the truth that their picked up habit exists, via no judgment. Just observation, understanding and acceptance. As well as the truth that it does not serve them any longer. 2. have major confidence to grab every single tool available to change it.

For clients to change the pain of the effect of other people’s picked up habits, they need to :-

1. Observe the truth that the other party’s picked up habit exists, via no judgment. Just observation, understanding and acceptance. Then…

2. Consider adding a boundary or distance, if that serves them. Just general acceptance and unconditional love towards others creates a full connection.

If these picked up habits are so conditioned, so ingrained, so wired in on a subconscious level, why would people ever judge themselves or others for all behaviors? Yet that is what humanity does and regularly! Humanity loves to judge the picked up habits everybody, in an insane way! They judge with thoughts such as: -

“How can they act like that?”

“Why did they do that?”

“Can you believe he is that way?”

“Why have I not achieved what I want?”

“I cannot believe I drank/over-ate/procrastinated/ got angry again”.

Individuals judge themselves because they have been conditioned to be happy, and only happy when they have a certain thing or if things are a certain way. They judge themselves, because they do not accept the picked-up habits they have acquired en route, they do not have compassion for their learned behaviors.

They do not accept each painted stroke on their life picture. They automatically assume things should just be different. The only way things can be different is via acknowledgement of the truth, through observation, compassion and understanding of the picture and why they do what they do and then the motivation to change it. The motivation to create a new work of art.

They judge others because they believe they were all taught to behave exactly the same way. By the same parents, the same schooling, the same culture, the same life experiences. It is ridiculous, yet that is what people do. They dislike other people’s painted picture, their work of art, they judge their picked up habits, their conditioning, their upbringing, their pasts, their minds, their behaviors. They have expectations on others to be different than they are. To be the same as them, to have the same values, thinking patterns, belief systems, brain chemistry, conditioning and past experiences. To have the same work of art.

This is emotional pain. This is the sadness, the irritation, the frustration, the resentment, the hate, the jealousy, the despair. Either towards themselves for their own actions or towards others for their actions.

The A.S.K. technique teaches people to be free from emotional pain. To be free from the insanity of non-acceptance, to be free from delusional expectations, from delusional demands and the delusion of controlling things or people.

The only way individuals can change other people’s picked up habits and behaviors is to open their skull, reach into their neural pathways, twist them into the wiring that they would like and then put their skull back on. Only then, can they have safety in the knowledge that they will behave to their liking.

The only way clients can change their own behavior is to :-

a) be aware of their picked up habits, through observation and understanding which is NON-judgment) and then

b) the desire to wire in a new habit.

In step 2 of ASK (truth), the emotional pain is removed by a) the understanding of the truth of their picked up habits or b) by the understanding of the truth of another’s picked up habit. The way they do this is by simply stating: -

“They act this way, because they have been taught and its ok, I understand that”.

“I act this way, because I have been taught and its ok, I understand that”.

From this place of acceptance, they are then able to launch themselves into change.

1. Their change, by planning a new future, through putting down a habit and picking up a new one that serves them.

And 2. change around them, by planning non-reactions towards other people’s picked up habits (which comes through observation, understanding, centeredness, and forgiveness), then taking further action such as boundary setting and assertiveness.

Acceptance of their own wiring is the truth. Acceptance of the wiring of others is the truth. Why society does what it does. They do it, because they were shown, conditioned, controlled, guided, cultured, advised, scolded, pushed to behave that way. They were shown the paint.

Humanity is a collection of paintings, every one deeply different to the other. We must guide the client to marvel at, accept, observe and understand each stroke of paint on every painting. This is how true peace and a chance for change can occur.

Step 2 of ASK (truth) is to observe, understand, not judge, forgive and have compassion for the truth. For the client to understand the truth of the picked up habits of themselves and others.

“I do this, because I have a picked up habit. I understand this truth”.

“They do this, because they have a picked up habit. I understand this truth”

This is where the client needs to get to, in order to go forward into change.

Summary of Module 3

  • All learned behaviors and habits are picked up by the client through parental modeling/non-modeling or past life situations.
  • The client carries out the behavior or habit, because they see a “benefit” in the action, habit, routine or ritual.
  • Every single human being on the planet is taught negative, learned habits and positive, learned habits. These can be in any area of life.
  • The A.S.K. Technique guides the client to remove negative, learned habits through awareness, compassion and the motivation to change.
  • The A.S.K. Technique teaches the client that they cannot change the learned habits of others, only a) their reaction and b) a choice to be assertive from this place or distance.

1. Why do individuals have issues in their lives?

2. What are 3 ways behaviors are learnt?

3. List 3 negative health behaviors or habits?

4. Is it likely that 2 individuals would have the exact same behaviors in every area of their life?

5. List 3 examples of how individuals might judge other people’s behaviors. What might they say?

6. Is there any way an individual can change another person’s behavior?

7. What are the 2 ways clients can change their own behavior?

8. What are 2 thoughts a client can be guided to create, that forgives a) themselves for past actions and b) others for past actions?

9. What does the painted canvas teach us to understand?

10. Is it likely that an individual would have perfect positive habits in every single area of their life, or would there be some behavioral programming that could be improved?

Module 4

Module 4 – Subconscious Pay-Offs

Individuals pick up their habits, rituals, practices, routines and learned behaviors for hidden, emotional rewards. A subconscious reward, a secondary gain, a psychological payoff; these are the reasons behind behaviors.

This is why individuals act in certain ways for the emotional reward; for the feeling before, during and after any action. It is subconscious. Everything an individual does has a pay-off, a reward. The reward is the emotional feeling gained. Individuals pick up their habits, to pick up their emotions. In other words, an individual can be in a place of boredom or stress and then pick up a habit, to feel better, to feel a high and a feeling of comfort on some level.

Subconscious pay-offs are feelings of temporary pleasure. These feelings may last for seconds, minutes or hours. It depends on the length of the behavior/actions carried out and the thought processes attached to them. They are all experiences to feel varying feelings of love. These feelings could be security, safety, relaxation, ecstasy, confidence, contentment, comfort, happiness, relief, joy, familiarity and so on.

If a client has eaten junk food all their life, it is because they have been educated to do so. They have been educated to feel ‘pleasure’ or ‘familiarity’ subconsciously through eating this way. They have been taught negative health habits.

If a client has always been in debt, it is because they have been educated to do so. They have been educated to feel ‘pleasure’ or ‘joy’ through over-spending this way. They have been taught negative financial habits.

When a workaholic works 80 hours per week, it is because they have been conditioned to feel ‘pleasure’ subconsciously through working this way. The opposite habit of less work feels like they lose a reward on some level. Hence why the habit exists – it exists for the ‘pleasure’ gained. The opposite habit is too painful to consider, despite the over-working possibly affecting their health and work/life balance. They have been taught negative career habits.

All individuals carry out positive and negative acts for the same reason – to feel ‘pleasure’. We cannot judge that 3 hours at the gym is a better picked up habit than 3 hours gambling. They are just behaviors that are learnt via the individual, in order to pick up their emotional state and they become habits. Both the person at the gym and the gambler feel the same feelings during the acts. They both feel pleasure and joy, it is just that we judge one habit as healthy and the other as an addiction.

It is when individuals carry out negative acts (regularly) to enhance their emotional state up the scale, (thus creating an urge) that an addiction exists and will be repeated for the pay-off. For example, alcoholism is defined as ‘the urge to drink’.

The A.S.K. Technique teaches the client to observe, understand, accept, forgive and have compassion for their subconscious pay-offs and the subconscious pay-offs of others. This is wherein their serenity lies. Serenity via understanding the truth of the human mind. Their mind and the minds around them. How they are wired and how others are wired. Wired to feel pleasure during a certain act (it is important to not judge the act). It is important to observe why the act is there. It is there, because the individual feels a pleasure of some sort, via a picked up habit.

Step 2 of ASK (truth) is to guide the client to observe, understand, not judge, forgive and have compassion for their subconscious pay-offs as well as anyone around them they are having a conflict with. Conflict being they are judging others for their actions. Step 2 of ASK is to see the truth. Seeing the truth means acceptance and observation of the truth, without feeling moved by it. There is no reaction to it. It is just a stillness in the fact that the payoff exists and they see why it is there.

“I do this, because I feel a certain amount of pleasure during the act. I understand this truth”.

“They do this, because they feel a certain amount of pleasure during the act. I understand this truth”.

This emotional state (acceptance) is where we need to guide the client to, in order to solve their issue and create change.

One reason the A.S.K. Technique is so successful is because it brings an emotional stability to the client throughout their behaviors. If we were to analyse the emotional process of someone with an addiction, it would be as follows : -

1. Stress / boredom created via thoughts such as “I feel so stressed today”

2. Yearning for relief and pleasure created via thoughts such as “I think I will pop to the bar after work and get some drinks”

3. Excitement – “I can’t wait to get to the bar and see my friends and feel relaxed”

4. Relief/Joy during the act – “I just love being here and I just love this wine”

5. Guilt after the event – “I can’t believe I drank 2 bottles and danced on the table, I feel so bad. I really do have an issue and need to stop this drinking”.

The guilt creates more stress and then the yearning for the subconscious pay-off (relief) is created again and the cycle of addiction or habit continues. The A.S.K. Technique helps the client to remove the guilt through awareness and forgiveness of their picked up habits and pay-offs. Thus the client is able to get off the emotional rollercoaster and see more clearly the truth to their behavioral dynamic, which creates healing and change.

The Plan part of the A.S.K. Technique (the 3rd part of Step 2 – Truth) allows the client to put down both their picked up habit and pay-off and create new healthier habits, behaviors and rituals for new pay-offs. This will be shown in a future module.

Summary of Module 4

  • All learned behaviors and habits are carried out for subconscious pay-offs.
  • The reward/pay-off is the emotional feeling gained.
  • The subconscious pay-off feeling could be security, safety, relaxation, ecstasy, confidence, contentment, comfort, happiness, relief, joy, familiarity and so on. They are all emotions associated with love/pleasure.
  • The A.S.K. Technique guides the client to remove negative, learned habits through awareness and forgiveness of their habit and why they do it (for the pay-off).
  • The emotional state of acceptance for their subconscious pay-offs is where we need to guide the client to, in order to solve their issue and create change.

1. Why do individuals carry out their behaviors, actions and habits?

2. Subconscious pay-offs are feelings of temporary pleasure. Name 5 of the positive feelings an individual might feel?

3. What does the A.S.K. Technique help the client to do with their subconscious pay-off?

4. Give an example of 2 thoughts of acceptance that the client must be guided to, in order to a) understand their own pay-offs and b) understand the pay-offs of others.

5. List 5 emotions that a client would feel if they had an addiction. Starting from the initial emotion through to the emotions felt during the habit and finally the emotions felt after the habit is carried out?

Module 5

Module 5 – New Habits & Behaviors (Plan)

Once we have guided the client to realise the truth of either their or another person’s picked up habits and payoffs, they are then in an emotional space of non-judgment. It is from this place of freedom that they can move forward. Freedom in the fact that all individuals pick up their habits to feel a temporary, positive feeling. It is through total acceptance of this truth that they are healed and are able to create the space within their minds to consider alternative habits and an alternative future.

Step 2 of The A.S.K. Technique includes the PLAN. The Plan part of A.S.K. is to brainstorm the possibilities that will ensure change going forward. The Plan part of A.S.K. is the direct opposite behavior, action or habit. As an A.S.K. Facilitator we are to guide the client to a new plan, a new future, a new learning, new conditioning, new structures and new behavioral training. New actions that will serve new life outcomes to the individual.

It is through the opposite of what once was, that change is created. A new polarity. The plan part of ASK is to consider options, solutions and opposite scenarios to what once was. Through the brainstorming of a new plan, which is just generally the creation of a new picked up habit that is opposite to the old one, the client starts the ball rolling towards new results, true rewards and success. The current picked up habits will be unhealthy (as they are creating issues in the client’s life), so via the law of polarity, the new habits (Plan) will be healthy and create positive change. This is why the A.S.K. Technique works so well.

Note – there are two ways to do the Plan part of A.S.K. : -

A) carry out the forgiveness of the picked up habits and pay-offs first

Or

B) do the Plan part and then carry out the forgiveness of the picked up habits and payoffs.

As the A.S.K. Facilitator, you can determine case by case.

The forgiveness, centeredness, non-judgment and peaceful reaction towards the picked up habit and pay off is a clear place.

  • A clear place equals freedom from irritation.
  • A clear place equals full compassion.
  • A clear place equals forgiveness.
  • A clear place equals understanding
  • A clear place equals just the diving in to the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
  • Truth meaning acceptance of the facts.
  • The facts of why humanity behaves the way it does.

Neural Pathways

Neural pathways are like superhighways of nerve cells in the brain that transmit messages and create behaviors, habits, choices & rituals for each person. As the individual travels over the superhighway many times (repeating behavior), that pathway becomes more and more solid, almost like a rope in the brain. An individual may go to a specific food or cigarettes for comfort (subconscious pay-off) over and over and that forms the neural pathway. The hopeful fact, however, is that the brain is always changing and one can forge new pathways and create new habits. This is what is called the neuroplasticity of the brain.

The A.S.K. Technique helps to break down and form new neural pathways through the true identification (and collapsing through forgiveness) of the old picked up habits & pay-offs. Then the motivation to wire in new behaviors. 

Forgiveness + Motivation = The Key Parts of Step 2 of A.S.K.

Recent studies in neuroscience state that it can take between 23 and 66 days to create a new neural pathway in the brain. This would create a fairly substantial highway, whereby the habit has been repeated enough to create a new learned behavior. So if a client wishes to wake up at 5am every day (as a whole new ritual), the plan would be to rise at 5am for 66 days, so that on the 67th day, they cant help but automatically get up at 5am. By then it is a new ritual, a new practice, a whole new habit.

As we guide the client through the Plan part of A.S.K., we can tell them these statistics, so that they are motivated to keep practicing the new behavior daily. Within 1-3 months with continual new actions (ie the opposite actions to the previous picked up habit), the client can create major change in this part of their life.

Examples of Habits

Below are 5 picked up habits that have been extracted from the A.S.K. Manual. (There is a comprehensive list of picked up habits here to assist the A.S.K. Facilitator). Listed are the negative picked up habits that will be identified by the client/A.S.K. Facilitator followed by the opposite habits for the Plan part of the A.S.K. Technique.

  • Allowing Bullying
  • Career Fears
  • Hating Oneself
  • Inability To Say No
  • Refusing Support

These would be turned around into the direct opposite habits: -

  • Never Allowing Bullying / Assertiveness
  • Faith In Career Success
  • Loving Oneself
  • The Ability To Say No
  • Accepting Support

The Plan part of A.S.K. is simple to do, as it is just the direct opposite behavior, habit, action.

Summary of Module 5

  • The Plan part of A.S.K. is the direct opposite behavior, action or habit.
  • Neural pathways are nerve cells in the brain that transmit messages and create behaviors.
  • It can take between 23 and 66 days to create a new neural pathway in the brain (thus behavior).
  • As the A.S.K. Facilitator guides the client through the Plan part of the A.S.K., they can tell them these neural pathway statistics to motivate them.
  • There are two options to choose from for the A.S.K. Facilitator. Forgiveness of the picked up habits and pay-offs first and then brainstorm the plan, or brainstorm the plan and then go into forgiveness of picked up habits and payoffs. It is a case by case basis and should be “felt out” accordingly.

1. What is the Plan part of A.S.K.?

2. As we list the current picked up habits on the A.S.K. worksheet – would they be healthy or unhealthy habits?

3. What are the 2 ways to do the Plan part of A.S.K.?

4. Describe in detail what a neural pathway is?

5. How does the A.S.K. Technique collapse a neural pathway/behavior?

6. How long does it take for new neural pathways/behaviors to form?

7. Is it valuable to inform the client of this statistical information?

8. Where can the client or A.S.K. Facilitator find a comprehensive list of picked up habits?

9. What would the 3 opposite habits be for the following: - a) overeating b) gossiping c) judging the past ?

10. What would the 3 opposite habits be for the following: - a) nagging others b) drinking every day c) procrastinating ?

Module 6

Module 6 – Growth From Previous Pain

Self-esteem is the value and appreciation of oneself. If individuals are to value and appreciate themselves today, then it is wise to have appreciation for the past and all events in it. As you guide your client to look back and be grateful for all that has occurred, this enables them to honor and be grateful for all that they are today.

Step 3 of A.S.K. - Growth is wherein the client’s power lies. What is the power that has been gained through this issue, through this pain, through this suffering, through this experience? It is through the experience of all ordeals, even severe abuse, that there is a prize. Through living the depths of a ‘negative’ experience, strength has been gained, growth has occurred, additional skills, gifts, values, attributes, blessings and life lessons have been awarded.

Step 3 of A.S.K. allows the client to get into gratitude. Step 2 of A.S.K. creates the feelings of forgiveness for old picked up habits and payoffs and motivation for the plan. Step 3 of A.S.K. ascends the client up the emotional scale to the powerful emotion of gratitude for the issue they have now dealt with.

6 Varying Questioning Techniques for Step 3

1. What power did you gain from this situation?

2. How did you grow?

3. Would you truly have the amazing strengths, skills, values and qualities that you possess today without living through this issue?

4. What additional skills, attributes and strengths have been awarded to you through experiencing this issue?

5. What life lesson are you being taught here?

6. What is the lotus from the mud? (The lotus comes from the mud, in order to get to the flower, we must go through the mud).

Think Nelson Mandela (this is a great example to relay to the client). Mandela served almost 30 years in prison, where he was tortured by his captors. Mandela studied spirituality, forgiveness, compassion, psychology and philosopohy during his time in jail and became an Ambassador for peace and compassion. He even invited his jailors to the ceremony when he was made South African President. Mandela died a legend having inspired millions of people. If Mandela can overcome such adversity, then we each individually can have the courage to forgive. No matter what has happened to us. Mandela experienced growth from his pain. By experiencing this deep adversity, he became an Ambassador for the people. Nelson Mandela was an example of enlightenment. A shining example of love and peace.

Step 3 of A.S.K. (growth) is to guide the client to look at the issue at hand and find what growth has been gained as a result of the angst employed. Is it determination, is it ambition, is it resourcefulness, is it independence, is it self love, is it a deeper compassion for others, is it empathy, is it a burning ambition to succeed? Guaranteed there is an increased education in the knowledge of life.

Has your client become stronger as a result of going through their journey of pain? What is the lesson from this pain? We must get the client to observe the lesson and then find gratitude for this lesson. Step 3 of A.S.K. (growth) is to observe the life lessons gained. To become grateful of what they have been shown. To bless what once was, because without this experience, their current positive identities and attributes would not be valid. What was taught to them? Where is the silver lining in the cloud of pain? How can they honor the past? How can they kiss, bless, bow down to and be thankful for what occurred? Via the knowledge of the amazing, additional items they have gained en route, that they have gained only because of this experience. It is a gratitude and an honoring of these lessons, these strengths, these added extras.

Via listing as many strengths gained from the experience as possible, you help the client launch ourselves up the emotional scale into serenity, into gratitude, into utter empowerment.

Here are some examples of the growth others have been given as a result of their suffering and doing A.S.K.

1. The man who was raped at the age of 4 was able to see the growth from his ordeal. Once he had healed the anger and self blame through A.S.K., he could move forward. He could see the additional compassion, empathy, determination and ambition he possessed today, as a result of his traumatic event. With those gifts; he was able to go on to help others. He had grown from his experience. He had been given gifts of light in the darkest of dark. The empathy, compassion, ambition, amazing parenting and determination would not exist without his past. He is able to bless, honor and be grateful for his trauma, as it provided the power, identity, strength, freedom and success he enjoys today. This individual now runs an abuse centre for children. Would that facility be helping others today, if he hadn’t experienced what he had? We must always look for the silver lining. Step 3 of A.S.K. allows us to guide the client to do that.

2. The woman who after living with an abusive alcoholic for many years was able to see the growth from the situation. Through her painful relationship, she gained the resourcefulness, compassion and determination to go forward into a life of self-love and happiness. She honors the releasing of her codependency and control issues. She is able to bless her growth and the gifts of true freedom, self-esteem and happiness. Today she runs codependency and addiction workshops. This was only gained through living through her toxic relationship.

3. The man who in losing his business, through over-work and bankruptcy could see after doing A.S.K. how he had gained powerful gifts of additional knowledge. With added determination, compassion, self-love and awareness of the importance of a balanced work and personal life, he was able to go forward. He was able to start a new business, increase his self-care and deepen his connections to those he loved. His experience of bankruptcy was something to be grateful for. The gifts and growth given were invaluable.

4. The teenager who almost lost her life to anorexia was able to see the growth in her experience. By doing A.S.K., she saw the power awarded her. Through her suffering, she had acquired a huge education in nutrition, a determination to succeed and an increased self-love. These additions were awarded to her because of her experience with anorexia.

5. The woman who had struggled with codependency for 17 years of her marriage was able to go forward into true happiness. Her experience had awarded her the knowledge of self-love through the surrender of temporary pay-offs. Her 17 years of struggle was a blessing in disguise. Once transitioned, she saw the extras awarded; the extra determination, the extra zest for life, the extra empathy for herself and others. She saw the power of the experience. She saw the growth from her pain.

When we guide the client to see the growth, they are able to be grateful, they able to truly honor the issue. They are able to love what once was.

Thank you for coming into my experience, so I can awaken, so I can grow, so I can be better, so I can be stronger, so I can serve others with my information, so I can go on now to live a deeper and more enriching experience. Thank you for this pain, for I have grown. Thank you for the negative, because it is through this negative, I have gained my serenity.

Examples of Life Lessons & Strengths Gained For Step 3

Self-love

Strength

Resourcefulness

Faith

Gratitude

Determination

Ambition

Independence

Assertiveness/Expression of Needs

Empathy

Compassion

Understanding Others

Better Parent, Leader, Spouse, Sibling, Son/Daughter, Person

More Knowledgable

More Aware

Etc


Summary of Module 6

  • We can increase the client’s self esteem through guiding the client to be grateful for all past events.
  • Step 3 of A.S.K. shows the client the life lessons learnt and strengths awarded through going through this issue.
  • Step 3 of A.S.K. ascends the client up the emotional scale to the powerful emotion of gratitude for the issue they have now dealt with.
  • Mandela is a perfect example of Step 3 of A.S.K. – ie being grateful and forgiving for all adversity that comes.
  • Step 3 of A.S.K. allows the client to truly see their extra strength, determination, compassion, resourcefulness, knowledge etc that they only gained through going through the issue at hand.

1. What is self-esteem?

2. What perception is advised to have about past events, in order to increase the client’s self-esteem today?

3. What does step 3 of A.S.K. (Growth) entail?

4. If Step 2 of A.S.K. guides the client to compassion, what additional emotions does Step 3 of A.S.K. guide the client to?

5. What are 3 of the 6 questions you can ask the client when you get to Step 3?

6. Describe briefly Mandela’s life experience?

7. What are 5 examples of life lessons or strengths gained?

8. If someone had experienced a parent’s divorce (they may have relationship fears, which A.S.K. can heal), but what strengths may they have gained by going through this experience?

9. If someone had overcome cancer, what strengths may they have gained by going through this experience?

10. If someone had experienced bullying at school what strengths may they have gained by going through this experience?

One Hour Direct Training

Module 6 also includes a 1 hour of direct training and tuition online with Kelly Armatage on Module 6 content. Please email [email protected] to book in this session via Skype.

Module 7

Module 7 – How To Facilitate The A.S.K. Technique

A.S.K. Worksheet Link here - http://www.aserenitykit.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/ASK_worksheet.pdf

How to Guide The Client Through A.S.K. :-

Issue

List the issue the client is with struggling with in one sentence.

Ask the questions – 

“what is most dissatisfactory in your life right now?”

“what issue would you like to work on?”

“what goal would you like to achieve?”

“what is giving you the most emotional pain in your life that you would like to change”?

The answer is the judgmental or negative thought/perception/idea in the mind and it is one sentence.

Emotions

Choose 3 different emotions from the emotions sheet and list how high these are out of 10. If the client is very angry, then it would be 10 out of 10. If they are a little bit angry, it would be 4 out of 10 and so on. Ideally, the best issue is the issue with a high emotional charge 7/8/9 out of 10. This signifies high pain. A client in high emotional pain will be looking to be free of that. Each emotion should have a score out of 10.

Ask the questions - 

“how do you feel about this issue, give 3 emotions?”

“please give a score out of ten for each emotion, very angry = 10/10 etc”

Step 1 - Commitment

Then move onto Step 1. Commitment.

Ask the questions - 

“how high is your commitment to do this technique?”

“how high is your willingness to remove these emotions and solve this issue?”

“how high is your intention to achieve this goal?”

Ideally, the client will say 8/9/10. Once the client states a high commitment score – you can say “wonderful, as you have a high commitment, your mind will now be open to work through this technique to see the solutions”.

Much lower than this (3/4/5) shows a low commitment and A.S.K. will not really work for them, as they have not had enough emotional pain yet to really want to change. A.S.K. is for clients with high commitment and warrior type mentalities and people that are willing to do deep self-development work. You can relay this information to the client.

Step 2 - Truth

Then move onto Step 2. Truth. Step 2 is called Truth, as it allows the client to move from denial (judgment) into truth. The truth of their or another person’s picked up habits and pay-offs, as well as the plan that will ultimately change their issue going forward.

Picked-Up-Habit (or action or learned behavior or ritual or routine)

Here you are to guide the client to become aware of their actions that are creating this issue. These are the questions you can ask to help the client to become aware of the current picked up habits they have.

1. What actions or habits or learned behaviors are you currently carrying out that is creating this issue? Note: The answer lies in the issue sentence. The reason the answer lies in the issue sentence, is that there are actions that are creating that result. Your job as an A.S.K. Facilitator is to guide the client to find out what they are.

2. What are you doing that is creating this result in your life?

On this step, you can suggest some picked up habits to help the client, (the client often goes blank on these questions and may need your prompting and suggestions). The answer lies in the issue, as stated above. So below are some issues and the picked up habits that would be associated with them.

3. If another person is involved (a conflict issue) you can ask - What actions/learned behaviors is (the other person) doing?

Issue

“I dislike my weight”

Possible picked up habits 

Over eating/Emotional eating/Binge eating

Not eating regularly

Judgment of self for eating behaviors

Pay-off 

Comfortable/familiar/relief/pleasure/high

So the plan would be (opposite actions)

Healthy eating (dealing with emotions first)

Eating regularly

Forgiving self for eating behaviors

Issue 

“I never achieve my goals”

Possible picked up habits 

Procrastinating

Over-work

Judging self for procrastinating

Pay-off (for each habit) 

Comfortable/familiar/relief/pleasure/high

So the plan would be (opposite actions)

Achieving goals

Balancing work / rest to increase energy

Forgiving self for procrastinating

Issue

“I am upset over my breakup”

Possible picked up habits 

Holding on to the ex

Initiating contact

Blaming self / ex for previous actions

Pay-off (for each habit) 

Comfortable/familiar/relief/pleasure/high

So the plan would be (opposite actions)

Letting go of the ex via forgiveness

Stopping all contact

Forgiving self / ex for all previous actions

90% of the time, 2-3 picked up habits will exist that are creating the issue. Very often judgment of themselves or others for the actions will exist as one of the picked up habits. See videos online for how often judgment is listed as a behavior.

Some creative thinking definitely needs to occur from the A.S.K. Facilitator on Step 2. Looking at the issue in depth and getting to the root actions that are creating this result. Between you and the client, you will get to the behaviors behind the issue. As you practice doing the A.S.K. Technique regularly, the picked up habit answers become easier.

Pay-Off

The pay-off answer for each habit is quite easy to follow. Pay-off emotions are: -

Comfort

Confidence

Contentment

High

Joy

Normal

Pleasure

Power

Relaxation

Relief

Safety

Security

A temporary feeling of pleasure that the client feels during the picked up habit activity. The reason behind the habit is the pay-off feeling.

On the left is the example of a pay-off of the initial picked up habit from a high/low emotional perspective. A small surge of pleasure followed by lots of emotional pain. So the up is the pay-off feeling (ie comfort) and the crash or low would be the 3 emotions that are listed after the issue. This provides the emotional cycle for the client for this issue.

On the left is the pay-off example for the PLAN. A small amount of discomfort or low emotional pain for a small period, as the client has the courage to create change via new habits. So a small low (discomfort) followed by a higher emotional surge of happiness, joy, self-achievement emotions. As the client sees new results in their life from the new actions, habits and rituals, they will feel progress and positive emotion.

As the client may not know about subconscious pay-offs, it is wise for you to educate them on this area. This can be done by saying the following: -

1. “For every habit or action, there is a pay-off”.

2. “We carry out our habits for the emotional reward in the subconscious – this is the pay-off”.

3. “It is a temporary emotional high, followed by emotional pain (crash) – as per your 3 emotions we have listed here”.

4. The pay-off emotions are generally – relief, comfort, pleasure, familiarity etc.

You can then inform them of the pay-off feelings (above). You can also show the downward tick on the worksheet, so they have a visual identification. Not much time needs to be spent on the pay-off area of A.S.K. You just want to make sure that the client understands why they or others are behaving the way they are. As you outline this to them, it gets easier for them to do the actual A.S.K. technique (forgiveness of self and/or others).

Plan

The Plan part of A.S.K. is the direct opposite behavior, action or habit. These are the questions you can ask the client, when you get to the Plan part of A.S.K.

1. You can say – “If you have picked up this habit, then you can put down this habit and pick up the opposite habit. What is the opposite habit?”

2. What is the opposite actions you can carry out to what you are currently doing?

3. If this learned behavior is creating this result, what is the direct opposite behavior? Eg – If blaming self is the current behavior, then the opposite is the opposite of blame, which is forgiving self.

Once the picked up habit, pay-off and plan is completed – the most important part of the A.S.K. technique needs to be carried out which is to guide the client to : -

Forgive, understand, have compassion for and be at peace with the picked up habits that are listed on the worksheet. You can do this by asking the following questions: -

1. Now that we have identified your current habits and pay-offs – what is one emotion that you feel about them?

The client usually responds with “I don’t like them”. “I feel irritation”.

2. Can you move your irritation to compassion regarding your learned training?

3. We all have picked up habits for pay-offs – it is important to be at peace with them? Can you be at peace with them?

4. You picked up these behaviors because you saw subconscious benefit in doing so? Can you understand that about yourself, as opposed to judging it.

5. These picked up habits and pay-offs – are they ok, or not ok? The answer should be “they are ok, because I can start the plan”. You can even say “you have a plan to go forward, opposite actions, so the old habits – are they ok, or are they not ok”. The answer to look for is “they are ok” (ie the client has forgiven them).

Ultimately it will take 2-5 minutes to get to the client to a centered space about the picked up habits of themselves and others.

You will know when the client is in a forgiven mindset, because you may feel this within your own body. You may feel an energetic shift within them/yourself.

You will know when the client is in a compassionate mindset, because they will say the picked up habits are ok, or they are at peace with them. You will know when the client is at peace with the picked up habits and pay-offs, by reading their body language. You are looking for them to shift to a relaxed energy, as you question them and guide them emotionally towards peace.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO CREATE THE EMOTIONAL SHIFT IN THE CLIENT FROM JUDGEMENT ABOUT THE PICKED UP HABITS & PAY-OFFS TO COMPASSION!

Ultimately as an A.S.K. Faciliator that carries out multiple A.S.K. sessions, you will learn your own questioning style, that suits you and the specific client you are working with. Practice makes perfect and you will note quicker emotional shifts within the client as you progress through facilitating lots of A.S.K. sessions.

Step 3 - Growth

Then move onto Step 3. Growth. This is where we guide the client to become aware of the growth (extra strengths/skills and life lessons) that they have gained through the situation.

Questions For Step 3

1. What power did you gain from this situation?

2. How did you grow?

3. Would you truly have the amazing strengths, skills, values and qualities that you possess today without living through this issue?

4. What additional skills, attributes and strengths have been awarded to you through experiencing this issue?

5. What life lesson are you being taught here?

6. What is the lotus from the mud? (The lotus comes from the mud, in order to get to the flower, we must go through the mud).

After completion of Step 3, the A.S.K. technique is almost completed. Now you can check how much stress has been removed and how much the client is in a compassionate and motivated mindset. We do this by checking the score of the negative 3 emotions at the top of the worksheet. Asking questions such as : -

“How angry/sad/frustrated do you feel now out of 10?”. (Ask for all 3 emotions).

A good result is 0/1/2/3 out of 10. If the client is still at 6/7/8 etc, they have not had a big enough shift for change and you can go back through the technique with them.

The A.S.K. technique will take between 15-45 minutes, dependent on how fluid and flowing the session is. The more you as a Facilitator are relaxed, centered, confident, loving and believing of a deep healing session for the client, then the more that this will occur. A great A.S.K. Facilitator is one whose positive energy infuses the session. Positive energy is the energy that heals. As you believe the session will be swift, powerful and miraculous, then these are the results that are created (via law of attraction).


Summary of Module 7

  • The A.S.K. Technique consists of 3 Steps. Commitment, Truth & Growth.
  • The negative thought (judgmental thought, dissatisfactory life area) is the issue that is worked on, along with identifying 3 negative emotions.
  • The client is guided through recognition of their picked up habits, pay-offs and then a plan to dissolve the issue.
  • The picked up habits and pay-offs (of self or others) are forgiven.
  • Step 3 involves looking at the growth gained from the issue.

1. What are 2 questions you can ask the client, so that you can identify the issue in one sentence?

2. Which is preferred at the start of the A.S.K. Technique – a high or low emotional pain?

3. How high must the commitment from the client be out of 10, in order to go forward?

4. What is 1 question to ask the client, to get them to identify their picked up habits?

5. List 4 emotions that can exist as the subconscious pay-off?

6. The Plan part of A.S.K. is the direct opposite behavior, action or habit. What are 2 questions you can ask the client to complete Plan?

7. What is the most important thing to do with the client’s judgment of their picked up habits/payoffs, as well as the picked up habits and pay-offs of others?

8. How will you “feel” or know when a client is in a “forgiven” mindset in step 2?

9. List 3 questions you can ask on Step 3?

10. What must we check at the end of the A.S.K. Technique with regards to the emotional score?

One Hour Direct Training

Module 6 also includes a 1 hour of direct training and tuition online with Kelly Armatage on Module 6 content. Please email [email protected] to book in this session via Skype.

Module 8

Module 8 – A.S.K. Videos

This module is a practical module, whereby study of the following 5 x YouTube A.S.K. videos is compulsory. By watching Kelly Armatage facilitate these A.S.K. sessions, you can improve your questioning styles, learn how the client shifts from judgment to compassion and really see how A.S.K. works in depth.

Video 1

A.S.K. – “I would like more confidence”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gQiFDsZyU8

Watch the above video in its entirety. You can note down questioning strategies and tips and useful knowledge that presents itself in the video.

Video 2

A.S.K. – “I wish I chose a better past”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqFZ32YX9GM

Result - Don Don’s anger was healed after this session. Don Don reported that this burden that she had been carrying for 10 years had finally lifted, after doing the A.S.K. Technique.

Watch the above video in its entirety. You can note down questioning strategies and tips and useful knowledge that presents itself in the video.

Video 3

A.S.K. - "I want to make more profits for my companies".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8U844uzJxm8

Result - 6 weeks after doing the A.S.K. technique, I got a phonecall from Ahmed to say that the profit had increased in his companies for the 1st time in years. Here is his posted comment from my FB. "Yes that's true when I applied the techniques advised by Kelly in the last session we noticed a highest month of revenue and profit. Thank you Kelly”.

Watch the above video in its entirety. You can note down questioning strategies and tips and useful knowledge that presents itself in the video.

Video 4

A.S.K. - "I have trouble sleeping and staying asleep".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am9AFBYAB0Y

Result - Sama’s insomnia cleared after doing the A.S.K. Technique.

Watch the above video in its entirety. You can note down questioning strategies and tips and useful knowledge that presents itself in the video.

Video 5

A.S.K. - "I need to release my husband's death".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v435gA4JADM

Result – see the testimonial at the end of the video. Clare reported that her grief was so much better to cope with after doing the A.S.K. Technique.

Watch the above video in its entirety. You can note down questioning strategies and tips and useful knowledge that presents itself in the video.

Questions on Videos & 3 x Worksheets

Write a brief synopsis on each video, answering the following questions. 

  • Was the client open for change? 
  • Were they easy to shift from judgment into compassion on Step 2? 
  • What other questions would you have asked, if any? 
  • Complete 3 A.S.K. Worksheets and send these for marking to [email protected] on these 3 issues - 
  • 1. I hate that I was bullied at school. 
  • 2. I am sad that my husband had an affair. 
  • 3. I am frustrated that I am always sick.

One Hour Direct Training

Module 8 also includes a 1 hour of direct training and tuition online with Kelly Armatage on Module 8 content. Please email [email protected] to book in this session via Skype.

Module 9

Module 9 – Counseling Skills

As an A.S.K. Facilitator, you are primarily a Counselor. A Counselor is a trained individual who guides their client towards introspection, self-awareness and change. As an A.S.K. Facilitator, you are a conduit, a vessel, a guide for the client. Below are specific counseling tips and techniques that can be employed, to improve your skills as a Facilitator and thus the process of all A.S.K. sessions.

1. Asking Open Questions

An open-ended question is designed to encourage a full, meaningful answer using the client’s own knowledge and/or feelings. It is the opposite of a closed-ended question, which encourages a short or single-word answer. Open-ended questions also tend to be more objective and less leading than closed-ended questions. Perhaps the most famous or infamous open ended question is “how does this make you feel?”. This open-ended question is asked firstly at the beginning of the A.S.K. Technique, as well as in the middle (to clarify that the client has arrived at compassion over the picked up habits and pay-offs) and lastly at the end of the technique to check the emotional score is now zero or low. Open-ended questions require a person to pause, think and reflect. When using open-ended questions, the control of the conversation switches over to the client, which begins an exchange. This is where the analysis, self-reflection and self-awareness begins for the client. A closed-ended question is one used to gather specific information, it can normally be answered with either a single word or a short phrase. You may also ask closed-ended questions at some point in the technique, to gain a simple yes or no. Closed end questions are also useful when enquiring about picked up habits and emotions.

2. Body Language

It is essential as an A.S.K. Facilitator or Counselor to have your mind, body, heart and spirit open to the session and client at hand. Sitting opposite your client with an “open” energy sets up the session for healing. The correct body language includes some or all of the following (whatever feels most comfortable for you): -

1. Turned up palms (healing hands) – this creates a flow of energy between you and the client.

2. An open heart – sending love, compassion and belief towards your client can set up a very powerful healing A.S.K. session.

3. Centeredness – remaining centered, calm and at peace throughout the session. If you find yourself triggered or irritated by the client’s issues, write down the thought behind this. In these situations, you are being “triggered” by the client and the client is a mirror for your own issue. For triggers, please email Kelly Armatage, so she can help you to work through the trigger and underlying issue. This provides for further future growth as an A.S.K. Facilitator, as well as growth on your own self-development path.

4. An open mind – allowing all thoughts to be clear during facilitation of the A.S.K. session. Clearing your mind, heart and space prior to the A.S.K. session (via a small prayer or breathing technique) can help you to be a centered guide.

5. A relaxed and open posture - facing the client, with uncrossed arms and giving all of your attention, focus and positive emotional energy sets up a wonderful environment for change.

3. Willingness For Improved Knowledge

A great Therapist and Counselor is consistently improving their knowledge of psychology and human behavior. Reading self-help books, studying and attending workshops. These are all signs of a Counselor that wants to increase their self-development knowledge, which in turn helps their clients.

4. Open To Internal Self-Development 

As with point 2 above, looking at and being willing to solve “triggers” when they come up is important for self-growth. If you as an A.S.K. Facilitator are open to clearing your own negative picked up habits and thought patterns, as well as increasing your self-awareness, then you become a source of expertise in the self-development field.

5. Active Listening 

It is important for the A.S.K. Facilitator to listen so that he or she can understand not just the words, but the underlying message of what the client is saying. Active listening involves being truly engaged in the client's message and listening more than talking. It helps you to both understand the client and to subtly challenge the client to pay attention to his or her own words and begin to make some changes. Below are four techniques for active listening: -

  • Paraphrase

To paraphrase is to restate the same information the client has said in different words. Paraphrasing allows the client to focus on the content of what he or she is saying and come to terms with it.

  • Summarize

Summarizing means that you concisely reiterate several of the major highlights from the client’s discussion. By tying together the different elements from a client's session, summarizing can help you to review overall progress. Summarizing can also allow you and the client to recognize a theme in what the client is saying.

  • Clarify

When you ask for clarification, you are asking a client to explain an element of the discussion that was vague. Examples of clarifying questions include, “I am not sure I quite understand; or do you mean that?”. These questions give the client a chance to elaborate and allow you the opportunity to check the accuracy of the client's statements.

  • Reflect

Reflecting is probably the most important listening technique. It is the technique that provides room for interpretation. To reflect on what the client has said is to rephrase the feelings within the client's message. Reflecting gives the client the opportunity to hear his or her own thoughts in a different way and helps the client to become aware of and acknowledge his or her feelings. Reflecting also helps a client feel that he or she is understood and that you have paid attention to what he or she has said.

6. Showing Empathy

Empathic thinking is characterized as the willingness and ability to place oneself in another person's situation, to feel another person's feelings, or to recognize that another person might experience feelings in the same way as oneself. Showing compassion and empathy and centeredness towards the client emotionally (non-judgement, non-irritaiton, non-pity etc) is the most powerful thing you can do as an A.S.K. Facilitator.

7. Gaining Feedback

It is important to check in with your client as to how the relationship between you and them is going. After each session, as well as during a course of sessions and at any time you feel you need to check in. Asking questions such as how are you working together, how are you relating? Ensuring all feedback is constructively received and worked on, to further improve the relationship with the client.

8. Help The Client To Take Responsibility

A.S.K. has been designed so that the client HAS to take responsibility for the results of their life. As a Facilitator, you are there to help them to assume responsibility. If they see their problems as outside of themselves, then we have to teach them to be more effective at altering their environment. If we hope for a therapeutic change, then we must encourage our clients to assume responsibility, ie a client must see themselves as having a role in the sequence of events. “We have to look at your role because that is where I can offer the most help”.


Summary of Module 9

  • Looking at all avenues to improve our counseling skills is a requirement as an A.S.K. Facilitator.
  • Open-ended questioning, body language, improving knowledge, internal self-development, active listening, showing empathy, gaining feedback and client responsibility are all areas that can be focused and improved upon.

1. What does being a conduit or guide as an A.S.K. Facilitator mean to you?

2. What is an open-ended question?

3. What is the same open-ended question asked throughout the technique and how many times is it asked?

4. Name 3 positive body language actions you can do during the session?

5. How will you specifically improve your self-development and psychological knowledge going forward?

6. Describe two types of active listening?

7. Name a time in your life where you felt empathy for others? How did this make you feel? How did this emotion affect your relationship with the other person involved?

8. Why is it important to gain feedback from the client?

9. Helping the client to take responsibility means what specifically?

10. Describe a time in your life whereby you took responsibility for an issue in your life, how did that situation change after that point?

Module 10

Module 10 - Summary

The last 9 modules will have provided the framework to be an A.S.K. Facilitator and facilitate A.S.K. sessions. Once the A.S.K. qualification has been passed, you will have the opportunity to be added to Kelly Armatage’s site as an approved A.S.K. Facilitator or if you just wish to use A.S.K. within your own coaching practice, this is fine.

Disclaimer - A.S.K. must be presented to all clients as A.S.K. by Kelly Armatage and no other name or representation is to be used. Ensuring A.S.K. is presented truthfully to all those that have sessions ensures we collectively raise brand awareness of the A.S.K. technique globally.

Additional Resources For Clients.

Clients can purchase A Serenity Kit (physical KIT or download) after their A.S.K. session, as continued self-development work.

Please write an essay of about 1000 words. What exactly you have learned in this course? What are your thoughts on the technique?  What are your future goals as an A.S.K. Facilitator? How will you market yourself as an A.S.K. Facilitator going forward?

One Hour Training